I think some of the conflicting thoughts/feelings are very normal and you can work your way thru them.
All in all, things sound like they are going as well as they can given the circumstances. I know that you want more bu remember to be patient when trying to feel the squirrel.
Stay strong!
Appreciate this a ton... and on one level I know that I should feel fortunate for how well things are going all things considered. I guess what some of it boils down to is the fear that things are going so well because W is keeping things as pleasant as she can until we run out the clock on our lease and then we go our separate ways. There has been a small, nagging part of me that I don't want to give in to that says "well if that's what's going on maybe we should just part ways now".
H: 43 W: 37 M: 11 years T: 12 years S: 11 D: 8 ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14 MC started: 9/22/14 Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14 Piecing: 10/20/14
