Why are you packing and moving? Has anything been filed? If not, I'd plant my butt in the house and just stay there. My H filed. He kept saying he was moving. He has not moved. He has fired his L. He has not done any paperwork relating to the D. He pulled out his ring last night. I didn't even mention it.
He has done all these things he didn't say he was going to do. In fact, he said he would do the opposite.
Stay in the house.
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
No he hasn't filed. We will be filing at the end of June and it will be finalized by the end of July. I say that because I choose not to bury my head in the sand and pretend that this D is not happening. He will be staying in the house we are renting because I can't afford it and the kids and I will move in with my mom for a few months until I save up money for an apartment. So far my sons room is almost done and then it will be my D's room. I feel a bit down today but I need to appreciate all the blessings in my life.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I am having a poor me moment. I'm a bit scared of how I am going to make it on my own although I have done it before and I know it will be okay but I am scared and sad that my marriage and life is no longer what it was. I am grieving for what is lost...strange how this hits me out of nowhere. Also I feel a bit stuck with my 1st XH being in Japan, I don't have him taking the kids every other weekend so I have my kids full-time with no one really to watch them as my younger sister doesn't want to help. I want to GAL but with no real help how can I? I really would like some of the vets to chime in on my sitch please?
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I had a visit from my mom today and it was not a good one. She is really upset that I am sending my D 17 away to a Challenge Academy or to Japan with her dad. This is due to her getting in my face a few weeks ago and her having no respect for me despite my attempts to discipline her and guide her. I'm learning that doing what I think is right is much harder than doing what my family or others think/believe is right. I feel alone in this battle with my family they have withdrawn from me since my actions and choices are not accepted or agreed by them. Yes, I realize that I have issues with boundaries.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I am feeling like we should just file now instead of waiting till the end of June as it seems be to putting off the inevitable and I just want to get it over with as it is without a doubt going to happen as my STBXH has said he needs to happen in order for him to heal. I feel done in this holding state of my marriage and am ready for it to be finalized. I mentioned filing earlier to my STBXH and he seemed agitated saying "No we can just keep it as planned and wait." Help please?
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
I just read your sitch. I'm so sorry you find yourself here as I know you are in a difficult spot.
Yes, it certainly can be exhausting having your kids all the time. Find things to give you a boost. Go for a walk by yourself or with your kids. . Dance around the house. Sing in the shower. Sing in the car. Laugh. Read. Do something. It's a start.
In regards to being friends with your h, what's the hurry to assign a label? You need to focus on yourself and regain your independence. Don't be rude or cold, but if you want a friendly r with your h, there is plenty of time to establish that.
In regards to filing, what's the rush? Why are you worried about speeding it up for your h so he can heal? If you want to file, that's fine. However, focus on you. You can't heal your h-only he can do that. Your job is to focus on you and what you want. In regards to your mom not being happy with your decision, you can't control how she feels. If you feel sending D to Japan or Challenge Academy is the best move, then you can't worry about your mother's approval.
It's time to dig deep. I may sound harsh but I sense desperation in your posts. It's time to look at yourself and work on things that make you stronger and better.
Hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
You don't sound harsh and thank you for your frankness. I do need to work myself. I have started with boundaries but there's a whole lot more to that and other things like my self confidence and feelings of being unwanted. I have also always cared of what others think like my family which has led me to base my past decisions on their opinions. I have been wishy washy which my inconsistency with my kids after my first Divorce has made them spoiled and less obedient. A stronger me would be working on myself both physically, emotionally and spiritually. Also I am working on my kids and trying to rectify my errors in my raising and disciplining them. Not easy but I am seeing improvement and I know it won't be done overnight. I feel like I am digging myself out of a lot of holes that I created if that makes any sense?
As for the filing, to be honest yes I want my STBXH to heal but I feel ready for it to be done and over with instead of this limbo until it is done. Perhaps that's my impatience talking. Speaking of which, I need to have more patience in general. I do know that I can't heal my STBXH that it's something he has to do for himself and if it does or doesn't come to fruition, it is on him not me.
Seeking approval is a big thing I need to let go of. I don't know if it's because as a kid I never felt good enough and that I got pregnant at 16 and basically ruined my mom's hopes for me. When that did happen, some family members who were like, I knew she would get pregnant or mess up. I have always felt like the bad one of the family. My family is loving and close but their way of dealing with problems is to not talk about it and also freeze you out if they don't agree with your choices which has happened before to me and is happening now as I have made choices they don't agree with. Despite being a teen mom, I did get my high school diploma and have worked hard at every job I have had. I'm trying to cope with my depression and anxiety too so that I don't go back into the fog I was in.
Last edited by CSan00; 05/27/1401:58 AM.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
It sounds like you have a strong work ethic and that is an incredible thing! The past is the past and you can't change it or how others will view it. Sounds like you are committed to making some positive changes so your life can be better than ever.
Are you on meds for anxiety and depression? If not , please don't be afraid to seek help. We all need a little help in life at different times.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I definitely want to positive changes as I do see this situation being a catalyst for me to be the best I can be for myself and kids. I am trying to let go of the past as it will not help me to revisit old hurts or live in regrets. I truly want to be happy and have a better life for my kids and I.
Yes I am on meds for both which I have struggled with depression for the past 13 yrs. I recently had my dosage increased for my antidepressant and was put on an anti anxiety med a month ago. I was fighting going in for an dosage increase for over a year due to my denial that my depression wasn't getting worse. My IC helps and I need to exercise daily to help myself even more.
Thank you Georgiabelle for talking to me :-)
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
Today I am off from work so I can pack some more. I'm getting my room packed up and getting rid of the things I don't need and leaving things out like books and a few movies to have on hand at my mom's. Once that is done then off to finish my boys' room. All the things we accumulated over the years is astounding but we do need to purge our belongings and keep what we need. I will get this done as I am determined to get it done by the end of the 1st week of June. I don't feel sad at packing up mine and my kids stuff. I thought I would but I feel ready for the change although I would preferably move into our own apartment right away it is not feasible. Once we do get our own place for me and the kids, it will be even better :-) Feeling hopeful oh I also have a few parenting books and self improvement books to read.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
