Thanks for the response. I feel much better in the last week to two weeks.
I am actually thinking about divorce. H is getting worse, and the kids are starting to notice something is up with H. H has not done the severe neglect of kids that I have read, but he is withdrawing some. He won't stop texting and the kids notice, espicially when we are at school function for kids and he misses the big event bc of texting OW. Now when we go biking for an example and he stop to text -- the kids just go dad is texting again and keep going and leave him behind (they are still too young to be biking without supervision.)
I can't do anything until I know about my job or other job and I have someone reliable to take care of kids while I work. H claims he is divorcing me when his situation is done. I am 99.9% sure that will happen if I wait.
I am sure that I am wrong, but I don't feel in love with him at this point. I know it is just a feeling and can be rebuilt. Maybe I am not good at this standing thing - who knows? In truth, I could stand for a million years, but the fact that my kids are having a negative impact now, completely changes te game.
I hope that H cleans up his act, as I know the kids really love him. H dad was asking me what is up with his son. I really did not get into it, other than I have no idea really. His dad said he seems to be slipping mentally. This is big, bc his dad never admits fault with himself or family (same with H - that is why MLC is bad bc H already had a huge ego.)
Hope that you are doing well. Prayers to you and everyone going through this nonsense.
As I was reading along, some things stuck out to me...
"H is very deep into OW. OW has been married FIVE times and is in her own MLC - and has a lot of guys standing for her. Wonder why she is so special? I am thinking H is serious enough to dump me and marry her. He would be in trouble at work for dating her, espicially since he has made a big stink and denied it."
Listen, and really try to understand this- The ow is not special in any way. I have had this told to me many times, and it took awhile to sink in. She's been married five times? I'm thinking number six would most likely end like the rest.
"H tells me multiple times a day "Once my situation is done, I am divorcing you." Ummmmm - I did not hear you the first million times! Jerk! H still lives in the house and says "I am not moving, and I know my rights you can't kick me out of the house." What a joy to live with this. H has finally moved toothbrush to other bedroom, and is doing his own laundry."
Oh yeah, sounds like he really likes to hear himself talk. Ignore him. He may also be trying to intimidate you too with the whole "I know my rights" mantra. As long as you know yours... Don't sweat it. And if he's doing his own laundry, I see that as a bonus - lol!
" I have realized that I cannot rely on him anymore. I have family that is willing to help me through the hump."
Tough realization, isn't it? But I think it can help us move forward in doing what we need to do for ourselves and our children. Don't be afraid to ask your family for help. You need a good support system around you.
" H has not done the severe neglect of kids that I have read, but he is withdrawing some. He won't stop texting and the kids notice, espicially when we are at school function for kids and he misses the big event bc of texting OW. Now when we go biking for an example and he stop to text -- the kids just go dad is texting again and keep going and leave him behind"
For whatever reason, texting and MLC go hand in hand. It can be maddening at times to be around! I remember watching my h shovel snow one time - it took him forever to do our driveway because he needed to text the whole time. It's ridiculous, but all par for the MLC course.
"I am sure that I am wrong, but I don't feel in love with him at this point. I know it is just a feeling and can be rebuilt. Maybe I am not good at this standing thing - who knows? "
You will have moments when you feel this way. There were times when I felt so angry, disgusted, and hurt by my h 's behavior that I didn't think my feelings of love for him could ever be the same. But the anger and stuff would eventually pass, sometimes resurfacing down the line about something else. Don't be hard on yourself thinking you aren't good at standing. It's not an easy thing to do, and you will stumble many times. Just pick yourself up, and dust yourself off.
I'm glad you are feeling better and stronger. Keep taking it day by day
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
H has told several friends he is just staying married BC it looks good that he is married and a family man. Friends stood up for me. No all h has is ow and her other friend, #3 friend has left the group.
Unfortunately I have grown to realize h has always been verbally abusive, a bully, and angry. I feel stupid that I did not notice. Now that he is in mlc, it is million times worse.
H continues to get more dangerous. I have had people around house for last week to prevent issues. I am going to file asab I am scared of h. I am waiting until kids are out of school and I also need to get a few things in order. I may have to move up date as the second someone was not here he monstered. He said he was inviting ow over. I told him I would call cops. He was right in my face yelling. He left came home in middle of night without ow. He won't move out. When I file, I am going to have to hope judge will ok him not living here.
I feel bad that it has come to this. But the fact that he scares me and kids are starting to notice something is up. I have no choice. He also has mental issues and quit IC when she started probing. If he does go crazy I can call cops and they will do 3 day mental hold.
I don't think it is wise to stand after divorce due to abuse. This is such a mess. He is going to be more awful since I am filing. I can't believe I was abused for so long and did not know, thought it was my fault. No one said word one aboute he is awful to you, you need to get out.
On the upside it looks like I might have a new job if I lose my other job. It is in my profession and on similar schedule to kids. They will also help me get my masters.
Please be careful and take care of yourself and your children. If he's escalating w/his crazy making behavior, try to stay away from him. I know it's difficult when he's living in the home, but you need to be careful not to push his buttons, if at all possible. Keep the phone handy in case you need to call 911.
No, it's not wise to stand for a marriage that has abuse in the mix. You are not his punching bag for his abuse, be it verbal, emotional or physical. It's not healthy for you or the children. People tend to stay on the other side of the road and not get involved unless you are actually walking around w/bruises or broken arms. I'm sorry it's taken this long for you to realize what has been happening, but now that you are aware of what is going on, you can do something about it.
I hope that you are able to get the other job if your current one falls through. The job sounds like a good one, especially if they'll help you get your masters.
Try to enjoy the rest of the holiday, but please be careful.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My first husband turned verbally abusive and made threats to kill everyone including himself. He kept it up for years. Protect your self and your children. You can never be too careful.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
My h was very nice while we were dating. He talked about the temper his family had, but said he did not have it BC he found religion. I knew he had depression issues but did not want to address them. Then we got married and he got the awful temper he said his family had. I just don't understand getting mad over simple things right away and then pouting all day. Very opposite of my family. Then the verbal zingers. H would just say one sentence that would cut like a knife. If I confronted him it was more meanness or are you too stupid to get the joke. I put it all on me and it was my fault. I would try to soften the world, to prevent the meanness.
Now I see h doing nice things for ow and her friends and family. Part of me is like wtf, that is not fair. The other part is haha wait until he shows his true colors.
I know I need to file, but still it is hard. H is not mentally stabile. I am worried for kids to be alone with him. But right now they ate going to think a normal marriage is separate rooms, no affection, and a grumpy pants dad. I can't do anything for awhile until I have family here to help with kids. I also have few other things to get in order. Also I am going to have to hope judge will have h move out of house. He will not move out now. I get I know my rights, you cannot kick me out. I would hate for him to be served and then come home yo me..ugh. H says multiple times daily I am divorcing you when work situation is over.
Ok I know I am rambling. I am hoping for the best. The kids need to see normal relationships. H did not, and him and siblings are messed up with their relationships. His dad quizzed me on h the other day, as he lives far away. It looks like he is starting to see his son has issues. Too bad he does not realize he had issues to begin with BC his dad f**led raising the kids..ugh
Hoping everyone has great weekend. Hugs and prayers to everyone. Thanks for letting me ramble
Butt head pouted all day and would not do anything with the family. Pouted when we got home. YEAH! Spent time with OW today and thinks I have no clue. I don't say anything, and act dumb. I am not taking his bait. The other night he was trying to get in my face. The cop I spoke to said that he is trying to get me to do something stupid, and don't fall for it.
I found out H took OW to see movie "Other Woman" I can't stop laughing about it! Now he is just going to be more paranoid about things. Got a lot of calls bc we were home while he was at work - ugh! Did I say short leash?
He keeps 3 things on him 24/7 - cell, wallet, and pocket knife. Maybe he has lots of $$ I don't know about. I don't understand the pocket knife.
H disappointed kids which is rare. Told them that they would do something together, and then sat around and took a nap. H was out too late with OW last night and was tired. BOO HOO. Then H decided to nap where kids play, everytime kids got too loud he barked at them. What a dumb A. I got tired of it and took kids outside, then I hear I was going to do something with kids and could not find you. DUH!!! Did you look out any of our windows? But of coarse everything is my fault... LOL I am starting to think I have the power to have the sun rise and set, since everything is my fault...LMAO!
I'm sure you I have that super power to make the sun rise! We seem to be rowing a similar boat, expect mine does not interact! He will return calls begrudgingly.
I asked for some of my stuff back, he won't reply to the text, either ow Is there or he's being an ar$e.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Scooby, The pocket knife...is this something he bought himself or did someone give it to him? Generally when they hold on to something that tightly, it generally is a gift from the op or something someone gave them from their past.
I'm glad to see your sense of humor is going strong. Hold on to it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
