You don't sound harsh and thank you for your frankness. I do need to work myself. I have started with boundaries but there's a whole lot more to that and other things like my self confidence and feelings of being unwanted. I have also always cared of what others think like my family which has led me to base my past decisions on their opinions. I have been wishy washy which my inconsistency with my kids after my first Divorce has made them spoiled and less obedient. A stronger me would be working on myself both physically, emotionally and spiritually. Also I am working on my kids and trying to rectify my errors in my raising and disciplining them. Not easy but I am seeing improvement and I know it won't be done overnight. I feel like I am digging myself out of a lot of holes that I created if that makes any sense?
As for the filing, to be honest yes I want my STBXH to heal but I feel ready for it to be done and over with instead of this limbo until it is done. Perhaps that's my impatience talking. Speaking of which, I need to have more patience in general. I do know that I can't heal my STBXH that it's something he has to do for himself and if it does or doesn't come to fruition, it is on him not me.
Seeking approval is a big thing I need to let go of. I don't know if it's because as a kid I never felt good enough and that I got pregnant at 16 and basically ruined my mom's hopes for me. When that did happen, some family members who were like, I knew she would get pregnant or mess up. I have always felt like the bad one of the family. My family is loving and close but their way of dealing with problems is to not talk about it and also freeze you out if they don't agree with your choices which has happened before to me and is happening now as I have made choices they don't agree with. Despite being a teen mom, I did get my high school diploma and have worked hard at every job I have had. I'm trying to cope with my depression and anxiety too so that I don't go back into the fog I was in.
Last edited by CSan00; 05/27/1401:58 AM.
Me 34 M 2.5 (Both 2nd M) My kids-D 17,S 16,S 12 BD 2/14 D final 7/2014
