Hey Matt, I'm so sorry you are going through this too. It is sad that they won't even try. I told my h I was willing to do counseling with no expectations. If he still wanted to leave after that I wouldn't try and stop it, but that I thought we owed it to our life together to make sure we had gone the extra mile. But no.
My h has his friends and possibly ow to push him in the direction of divorce. I know that no one can make you do anything, but my h has always followed whatever crowd he's with. Like he doesn't have a mind of his own. Sounds like your wife is getting affirmation from her dad and even though ultimately it's her decision, I also know that when your at a tipping point you can be swayed to make decisions.
I too was blamed and I'll take the blame for things I've done, but in looking back this seems to be the way it goes. I didn't know my h was an alcoholic when we married. He kept that well hidden. After marrying him I found out how bad it was. He blamed me. How could that be my fault when it started before I even knew him. I guess it's easier to blame me for everything instead of looking at himself also.
You can't reason with someone who has shut down I guess. I don't even try anymore. His thoughts and feelings are his own. He went to counseling to initiate divorce and he even told the counselor he had no intention of changing. So that leaves no room for improvement on that front. I've learned a lot about myself and I'm sure I'll learn more as soon as I can get past the pain.
I hope you can get your own lawyer. I sure wouldn't use hers. I've learned the hard way that they have become people that are not trustworthy anymore. I never would have expected what I get from my h. The fact that he wants to leave is not what is the biggest shock - it's the way he treats me and d. He really could care less about us. That I would have never thought of him even if he wanted a divorce. That's not his character. But it is now.
