I admit, I am a relentless student/person.... it is that very persistence that makes me successful in business & through 20 years of relationship.
I have read where you describe yourself as relentless and compare yourself to a bulldog. You seem to take pride in it, however, I would like to suggest that this could be a place to start change. You see Magic, those traits are not attractive to a lot of people, especially when it's the female being renlentless. A lot of men see a relentless female as a NAG!! Do you know what men do when women nag? They shut you out! They do not see us being attractive or lovable when we are acting like a bulldog. Ugh, why would they want to get close with that?
Have you looked at the definition of the word relentless, it is not faltering. In one place it even says it's persecuting. Maybe he feels like you are persecuting him.
You say this has helped make you successful in business. Do you mean that you won't take no for an answer, or that you hound (another dog btw) your customers? Neither are seen as a feminine quality most people admire.
I wonder if you mean that you don't give up easily when things get tough? B/c applied in the correct way, this trait is necessary to maintain a successful 20 YR relationship and in business. However, I believe you should seriously stop being relentless in trying to pressurize your XBF to reconcile the R. By now, you surely see it's not working. Or do you? It's hard to see ourselves as others can.
I'm sure you are physically attractive, and based on what your XBF said, I think it is the physical attraction that held him in the R so long. However, you are wanting that connection with him that goes deeper than just looks.
Like a lot of people, you try to fix things by talking. You feel that if you don't get your way it is b/c you were not understood? Seriously? Did your parents spoil you that badly? If so, you must break out of it ASAP b/c nobody .........and I mean NOBODY likes being around a spoiled brat. How do you break yourself? By realizing there are several times (daily for most of us) where you don't get your way. You have to accept "no" in most cases (and I won't refer to business operations). It is up to you to decide if it is personal rejection or not, and even if it is......it is up to you how to respond. But don't keep chewing and nagging, thinking "surely I was not understood or I would have gotten what I wanted". You only dig your grave deeper with your mouth.
People who feel a need to please or to justify their actions also try to talk their way through to reach the OP and hopefully change minds. But if I could save a few heartaches, I would tell you that my experience has been that most people have predetermined ideas and will think how they want to think. No amount of clarifying ourselves will change things. The only thing to stand any chance is our actions. In time, we prove ourselves out.......good or bad. But it is still up to the OP make their own decisions, and it may or may not be in our favor. It is not our job to change their mind.
If you keep your mouth shut and come across as mad, cold, pouting, punitive, etc., b/c you didn't get your way........you are digging that grave again. And sweetie, I know b/c I have been guilty. But I have learned I am the one who suffers in the long run of things. However, showing a pleasant and sweeter side has much more positive results. Oh you may not get what you wanted the day before (I don't mean that kind of results), but working toward the bigger picture. Make sense? When you stay consistent with those actions, he and others will notice Magic is starting to change.
The next thing I suggest you start ASAP is to not engage in bickering. It is not attractive! Even if you enjoy it, it is not healthy on any R. Bickering is comparable to nagging. One man said it felt like being nibbled to death by a duck!
I hope you won't say, "But that's just the way I am.". B/c when a person says that, I know they have no intentions of trying to change for the better. Habits may be difficult to break, but certainly not Impossible.
You want to know what to do if he asks you out next week. Do what you want, as long as you think you can control your mouth. B/c your mouth is your biggest trouble. You don't know when to shut up and let it go. I'm surprised he hasn't told you to give it a rest!
You pressure him by being relentless and it's not working. Are you willing to stop being relentless? Yes or no?
Stop being relentless with XBF Stop bickering No punitive actions
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
