2nd time around part 2

[LoisB]

I just wanted to let him know if you wanted to apply and not to use her as a reference.

Watch this ^^^^^. Sounds like you controlling again, being the mom. Alcoholics are already sensitive to "mothering" and, when you add MLC/Depression to the mix...WATCH OUT!!

It's not your business what he does or doesn't do with the information. That's on him. The point in telling him, if there was one, is to relay something that came up professionally for him to consider...even in his sick mind. That's why this bit of info is a slippery slope...I can usually feel, in my gut, when I'm crossing the line into controlling.

For me, had I run into a business contact and heard this same info about Smokey...well, I can tell you that the Alcoholic Fish Wife in me would be doing somersaults for JOY!!

Fish Wife would be saying:

"See!! See you Dumba$$, it's not just me who notices your drinking!! See!! You have screwed up again and now I have PROOF that it's true!! YOU have a problem and other people see it too."

That doesn't help. :-(

Not saying that is what you felt, but it's how I would have USED the info...the key word there is "USED."

That's why I was saying you could give him the information in a very factual, detached way. "This is what I heard, thought you would like to know"...END. DONE. NO MORE DISCUSSION no matter how hard he tries.

You can't be his mother anymore, not if you want to get better and, definitely not, if you want him to get better.

I'm glad you are going to a meeting. Start reading about co-dependency. It will help.

You go girl.