Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

Journal:

I have been listening to a lot of Wayne Dyer's talks in YouTube. Fantastic insights on letting go, detaching, seeing the bigger picture and the wisdom from even the most painful of situations.

I have been on this DB journey now for almost two years. At the end of March, I was convinced I was done.I was afraid life was passing me by. But the time and space in between made me realize how much I was focused on simply ending the pain. I can't believe how slow I am. It has taken me this long to realize that there are some huge opportunities being presented to help me become the man I want to be and not to just win her back.

The stories on this forum have been inspiring to say the least. Prayer and meditation have brought me an immense sense of peace.

And with that, a renewed intent to not give up. General advice is that you need at least one month for every year you have been together for the DB process. Though it has been two years, I am hitting the reset button as I did a major backslide in March by being over eager with some positive signs. This lead her to withdraw and me to snoop and pursue in a panic.

Seven weeks of going dark and then a couple of relatively positive phone chats last week. Overall, same pattern as most WASs described. She is certain she is done and is moving on. She is sorry about it, has moments of doubt but she is certain about it.

Long distance makes this a bit of a challenge. But for now, I have a plan to observe and journal progress with each interaction and set three month goals to see if we are making progress.

It is also getting tough with friends saying I should call it a day, move on and find the happiness I deserve. On my down days, I lap that up. But all in all, I'm still on the path.

Overall, I am focusing on one of my fixings: patience. One thing I was always known for and which I thought was one of my strengths. But in the last year, I reflect on a few key moments where we were so close but where I pushed too soon for reconciliation.

Some of you are going through very painful situations but your strength and words of encouragement, even in the midst of your situation, is amazing. Thank you for that.

Three of my lifesaver phrases right how, especially in those moments when I just feel like giving up:

1. Thank you: when I just can't seem to stop the negative thoughts.
2. Believe none of what they say and only half of what they do.
3. Let go and let God.

I will keep on posting. As time is my best bud, I will write more about my GAL progress and provide updates on my Db process as things slowly progress.