Thor (if Mach calls you that it's good enough for me)
First off grats on having Mach and Cat and some of the other vets post on your thread. Listen to what they say. I can say without a doubt Mach saved my life and led me down a path to making me start being the person I want to be. Sorry Mach some things took longer than they should have because I was a little bullheaded at times. You won't like everything he says but know the things the vets say that sting are usually the ones you need to look at.
With all that I wanted to try to get this thread back to being about you and only you. Your fiancé has a lot to work through but like it or not she has to walk her path by herself unless she decides she wants someone with her (no matter where her path leads). Right now you have to concentrate on you.
So...what did you do this Memorial Day weekend for you? When I was at your stage and obsessed with the fear of the situation and the missing of my (now) ex wife and wondering what she was thinking I poured myself into reading self help type books (on love, relationships, codependency, etc...) because growing up I never understood or saw the right way to do things. It wasn't easy because that's when I started realizing I had a bigger part to play in what was happening than I originally believed.
I also started golfing again, and forcing myself to try new things. You just have to force yourself to take the first step and start doing things on that list of yours. Next step , and this was a really hard one for me personally was to stop thinking whether this DB strategy is working to bring her back. That's the wrong way to be looking at things. As Mach said, right now it's all about fixing you and you do have issue that need addressing before you could even think about reconciling. Seriously, what have you changed, and I mean full on to the core changed, about you that would make things different if she walked through the door right now? You have lots of time. It's hard as hell to do and we've all lived it but you have to stop thinking and worrying about her and you have to start working on you. If there was a pill I would give it to you but there isn't, you just have to do it. You take the hard days for what they are and push through them and before you know it you have less and less of them.
Also...try to go a couple days without posting about her on here and the struggles she's going through. When you're retelling her story you're thinking about her. We'll ask if we need some background type stuff. Let's just talk about you for a few days. Your fears, your hangups, your feelings, the reason you feel entitled. There are a lot of onions there that need to be peeled back.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
