I'm back for a while

[ClingingToHope]

I never really thought I'd feel this way. I woke up this morning just dreading the day -- because the girls were here.

It's mostly the 15-year-old. They haven't been here much the past six weeks because I traded mother's day weekend for father's day weekend.

The 15-year-old and I went to a movie Friday night. That was good. Then yesterday we were in the car and she was telling me a story about school where she was tempted to cheat on a test and decided not to.

She had a 4.0 her first semester and has a 3.7 GPA this semester. So I was concerned that she was even thinking about cheating. She has her sights set on some pretty good colleges and I worry she's putting too much pressure on herself.

I was trying to ask her why she would even think of cheating and she told me to stop scolding her. It's the latest in a long line of conversations where if I ask any questions whatsoever I'm criticizing her.

So the rest of the car ride was in silence. And there was more silence this morning. And she went to a friend's house and asked to stay the night and wants to skip lunch on a riverboat tomorrow.

I said she could stay the night, but she couldn't skip the lunch. It's the only Memorial Day thing I had planned.

The whole thing put me in a lousy mood and I was short tempered with D11 and her friends.

I didn't get it back together until I went to church. I remembered a lot of those kinds of car rides with my parents and I -- foolishly -- thought maybe I could avoid that with D15.

Basically, the days of talking things through are over for about 10 years. She isn't going to listen so I'm not going to offer. If she wants advice she'll ask.

D11 -- she was playing in the park near the house two months ago and these two boys, younger, chased her off an area they were claiming as their clubhouse with sticks.

She came back crying and we talked about how since she was outnumbered they were being bullies.

I didn't go running to their house to confront them because I thought it would work itself out.

So Saturday D11 has three friends with her and they were in the park and stuff was said and D11 and another friend charged them.

I asked her later why and she didn't know why she did it. She doesn't know how to talk herself out of situations.

Well, the boys' parents live on the park and saw two girls running at their sons and they came out. The dad was OK. The mom yelled at D11 and her friends.

So D11 comes home again crying and when I find out adults were yelling at her well it's time to have a conversation.

I went to the house and found the dad and it was contentious at first. But he didn't know about the first incident and then we started talking about how to fix it because it's a nice park and everyone should be able to use it -- and then the mom, her sister, her aunt and others started to get involved.

Eventually, we talked about D11 and I coming over in two weeks so everyone knows everyone. I do not like the woman and the boys sound like bullies, but I can work with the dad I think.

So we had D15 being a mouthy teen, trouble at the park, which is the coolest thing about this neighborhood, and the fact it is finally hot and my uncle isn't opening his pool this summer, which is another disappointment.

And I just felt defeated. Very, very, very defeated.

Tonight went better. I felt better after church. I took D11 and her friends to the Memorial Day community festival. That went well. They played in the sprinkler after the festival. I then took a nap. Dropped her friends off and took D11 to another friend's house where they were having a cookout.

D11 found friends there to play with. I threw a baseball around -- I haven't done that in ages. And then relaxed.

Tomorrow, we're doing the riverboat thing with the professor and D11 and I are going swimming at a lake.

So life rolls on, but it rolls on with a different feeling. I always assumed D15 would choose to live with me -- at least half the time when she turned 16. Now? I no longer think that will happen. I'm wondering now whether she'll choose to stop coming here. I never thought that would happen, but it's a real possibility now.