Made good on my GAL plans for today - biked about 14 miles, and then took out my new paddleboard. Perfect day for it. Sunburn to show for it, too! But, all this alone time makes me start obsessing about OW. I am fairly certain H is with her again this weekend, like most weekends. Takes out $$$ on Fridays, and leaves town. How do you all NOT think about this??? Some days it IS easier not to, but when I don't have lots of plans and some idle free time, like today and yesterday, it just starts to CONSUME me. I mostly do ok, but boy, this weekend really was tough. (Still is.) We are basically NC now. Only communicate via e-mail, and only when it's necessary (about our house, finances, etc.). This isn't very often, maybe once every couple of weeks.

It has now been about 6 weeks since he said he wanted to 'end the marriage' (like he's been telling me since July 2013). Said he will 'find a mediator in our area' about 2 weeks ago. Still haven't heard anything. And after almost 1 year, he is STILL living at his sister's house -- a 55-year-old man! I don't think I could stand that! And he complained about being 'homeless' in January - and I almost let him move back in right before I found out about OW. God, what a mess. If this is really going to happen, we have 2 houses to sell, a piece of property and accounts to divide up. Nothing is for sale, and our finances are exactly the same as they were a year ago at BD.

Anyone care to weigh in? <Sigh> So dead tired of it all. It's wearing me out, and I look like it too. It's really taken a toll on me. I feel like I'm approaching another point where I have to DO something. Nothing ever changes unless I - yes ME - DO something. Praying for strength and patience today...


Me 53, XH 57
M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids
BD June '13
H moved out July '13
Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14
H filed for D Nov. '14
D March '15