Marching forward with deal breakers in hand

[mdu]

Journaling..

H txted me while kids and I were away 'How is the trip?'
I probably should have lied but I didn't, I replied 'Ok, kids are a little sad u r not here but I'm keeping it upbeat. I think they are having some fun'
H replied 'I am sorry' then txted that he took S's bike and had his Dad fix it and would return it before we got home. Then we txt chated a bit. I ended it that we were getting ready to drive home. He txtd 'Drive Safely'

So again, I'd say he's warming....

My gut feel is H is split 50/50 on what he wants. 50% he really wants to work it out bc he loves his kids and does not want to be away from them. I know he does not want to put them through a divorce and make them move from our house and really wants an intact family. I think the other 50% does NOT want to work it out bc he's so unsure about ME and if he can really get what he needs from me. Which certainly speaks to my need to somehow show him that I can be the woman he wants. I definitely was long ago!! And I'm sure even in recent times he's seen snippets of it. Part of my challenge is our separation, how do I show him when I barely speak to him. I think I am going to have to experiment a bit with reaching out to him and see how he reacts. I know this is pursuing according to DBing but I feel most importantly I've got to see what works for my particular sitch. One good thing about H is he's quite easy to read, i.e., when he is NOT into it his tone and demeanor pretty clearly show it so I can quickly retreat if needed..

I'm going to keep journaling my progress to see what works. I keep feeling there's some right balance between pursuing on my end because he had felt so rejected in our M and NOT pursuing so he doesn't feel too much pressure.