WAW...Again, Part II

[stumps]

I told her it was because I completely understood her feelings and where she was coming from.

This was not good DBing. You are minimizing what she is saying and not validating what she is saying. You had an excellent where you could have owned this instead.

You could have said, "I looked inside myself and saw this as a character flaw I needed to change. I am really sorry that I put you in a position to feel that way." or something along those lines. Re-read the section in the book about validating.

Hmm... Duly noted. Definitely wasn't trying to minimize her feelings. I was trying to validate them by saying (to sort of paraphrase myself) that the reason she could tell me she was angry without me getting offended or it turning into a big discussion is because I understood her feelings and felt they were justified. I guess though that leaves it unclear as to whether I think she should be able to express her feelings without me getting offended even if I don't understand her feelings or think they're justified, and I certainly want to create an environment in which she can feel safe expressing herself no matter what.

Guess I need to choose my words more wisely, and will definitely re-read the validating section of the book.