afraid I have waited too long #3

[nit84]

Thanks MrBond you are right I need to stop saying Im worried about her safety she already knows I am.

A little different tonight, She brought up trying to figure out furnishings so the L doesn't.

I told her fine but I haven't put any thought into it. She said by burying you head in the sand doesn't make this go away. I told I know that. I cant stop what is her desire.

She quick came back with "There is no pleasure in this for me." I said I get that but it still is not something I want but understand her reasonings for moving forward.

She then talked about all the things I have been doing around the house and it is nice just too late. I said thanks for at least acknowledging that the place looks somewhat better.

W went on about how we had a good 15 years but I never had her back and we had some awesome times and some very bad times I agreed and said I have owned up to those things and forgiven myself. I know that W cant forgive and I told her that. She said "even if she could forgive me, which she has a little because she knows she also has blame in the failed M, it is still too late.

Then just now she comes out and tells me she left her social media account open one day last week and that I was reading stuff on her page.

I honestly never even knew it was open because I worked late all and wasn't on the computer that much plus she could not remember what night even though it was just last week. She is all outta sorts with this ordeal about the OM girlfriend confronting her I guess, She thinks I had a hand in it.

I know I will be blamed and can't control that but it is so sad to see the woman you love in what seems to be desperate attempt to try and catch me in a lie to justify her deal.

When she said this I allowed her speak then I said she was wrong but I understand her feeling that I possibly could have seen something.

She then said she feels like she is being followed and has felt that way all along not just now that the OM GF is around. She then brought up a "for instance" from last Oct and I told her I already explained what that was about and I am not going to do it again.

She said "Why should I trust you?" I said "Because I have never lied to you before ever! Where would Lying to you now get me?"

She then backed off and said" I am sorry I brought it up to you and accused you. I shouldn't have. I just thought I would rather ask you about it then not and hold resentment in."

I said "Yes, You should talk directly to me, I appreciate that but I don't like being accused of wrongdoings, I have owned up to all that I feel has made our M fail. I know now what I need to do."

I then told her the invitation to church was an open one. She said she couldn't believe I asked her after I never went to church with her when we first got M. I said I did but then we stopped going. I have now decided to attend again and I feel great for doing so.

She says she gives me all the credit in the world for trying to fix myself and become a better person. "Its just funny how you always made fun of your brother for stopping drinking and going all holier than thou with church and GOD." I said "I wanted to quit drinking I didn't need to." Of course, she said "Oh yeah you did. A lot of people said you did." I said," Well I guess they got their wish cause I haven't drank in almost a year."

Sorry to carry on but it is making me wonder if she is downplaying me to make the OM look like a better option or if she is testing me to see if, OM fizzles out now that OM GF is suspecting something and throwing a wrench in the works so to speak, I really have done my due diligence and started to become a man only a fool would leave.

She also mentioned that she wished people(her family) would have spoken up when they saw how I treated her. W says they told her that they always bit their tongue because we would argue but then the next day all was fine and they didn't want us to hate them for butting in.

TBH, there were a decent amount of times her Mom did say things and I told her how it was and she shut up. I shouldn't have said anything but when I did I always talked it out with her Mom. I love her family and I didn't like the way I perceived them to use my W. When this happened and mostly when I was drinking I would speak up. Wrong thing to do but I always worked it out with her Mom.

She now says she is mad at her Mom for not saying anything. I think this because they aren't talking right for whatever reason.

Maybe that is why W is so worried I saw something on her page because she had a tendency to post stuff that were meant for people but only those people would know what it meant.