2nd time around part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Job. I agree I need to put the responsibility on the kids. They are both 14 so they should be able to do it. I just have to leave it up to them and let go. It's the blind leading the blind but they have to learn sometime.as far as the photo I sent them right after I took them.

Why are they all "blind"? I mean, your d can figure out what time SHE has to show up without you telling her, right? So now she can text her dad, directly and THEY can build a r. They need to and you have to back out.

I am going to be working on letting go of keeping H informed by me. This will be hard for me I can see. Its a hard habit to brrak and then when he contacts I fall for it...I'll be setting that as my goal. H needs to know I won't keep him informed any longer. That's the old me he chose to give up.

There are a few reasons for you to stop being the sole conduit of information.

For your own protection, since contact tends to suck you into his drama, you get expectations built up every time there's a semi positive interaction, etc.

Second, you enable him to abdicate his parenting responsibilities onto you. I happen to believe it made you feel useful or valuable or something, but it has to stop. You are a decade older than him, right? So stop ANYTHING that remotely looks like mothering.

Finally, your kids really do need to have a decent open R with their dad. They never will if you constantly monitor or initiate it. Neither the kids nor the father will step up to the plate if they don't need to.

CHANGE THE DYNAMIC b/c it's the only thing you control...ie., YOUR BEHAVIOR.

By definition, that changes the relationship b/c a marriage is a R between 2 people, and then their children and varying roles play into it.

All you can do is change how your "role" is played. Make sense?