Spoue tried I didn't, now opposite #2

[whytry]

"Ooofdah" is a Minnesotan slang term. It basically means "what the heck".

Thanks, I learned something really interesting


Someone once me a question during my journey that really made me think...

"Do you want to really save your marriage or do you just want to win?"

I want to win, but not the way i'm portrayed and yes I've acted before like and treated W as though I have to win and be in control. Yes, save my marriage but not as a competition. I want to win me back. Win at being a God fearing man that is proud of who he is. Win at being someone W can proudly acknowledge as H.


If my W had kept telling me to "quit DBing me" I would have taken that as a hint. It isn't funny, brother. She is telling you something and you are not listening.

The "quit DBing" comment has become a reflex anytime I do anything that is a 180 for me. Saying sorry, not losing temper, etc. Granted I do see your point so thanks for bringing it to light. I was not seeing it.


You have labeled your W as a WAW... Let me ask... Who walked away first? Who was the one that ignored everything she was doing to try and save the M? Yeah, buddy... That was you

Yes sir I own that. WAW is probably not the best label. I remember somebody mentioning they dislike labels but don't remember if it was uRworthy or Labug. I guess to make it easier I decided to work on M and she filed. I caused it and know that it may be doubly hard since W has no inclination to work on us. Like y'all say I gotta work on me. Will have to rethink how I want to do that and show love without pushing further away.


So, when your W decided to give you what you sought when did it become unacceptable? Was it because you no longer had control of the situation? Because you lost your say? Your way no longer mattered?

Actually if you read W posts in January she saw the signs I was trying. Granted I was lost, hadn't read at that point, hadn't sought help. The thought of losing control before was unacceptable to my mentality. I see in my notes that I saw that it was moving to a wanting to be better man mantra and knew control had to be given to God and to let him lead me. That came from out in left field as I was not searching for religion, but when my kids asked to go to church, I found something that I now know was missing. Several members of my family are very strong Christians but I had left that path long ago.

Dude, I was there in a lot of the same ways. I understand frustration. I understand anger.

The frustration and anger you describe in your threads are good for me to read. I have a MrCas file on my computer where I copied so I can reread easily. I've also read up on MLC, depression, verbally abusive spouses, and the suffering everyone around incurs do to that type of person.


You need to give your W space. You need to fix you. Like I have told you before... the three months you have been working on this is not going to make up for fifteen years you beat your M into the ground. Fifteen months of continued improvement might.

I have to keep reminding myself. I do remember the good times during those 15 years and I'm gunna guess that the last 5-6 are really the "mad at the world" attitude I had. W kept telling me my job loss and foreclosure, and bankruptcy were what drove me into depression and then MLC. Is she right? Probably. But we did have good times and very happy memories. Yes those are now lost to her and where to me the whole time I was being a complete jerk.