Roller coaster and then some

[daring]

Update: H has been staying at his rented house the last several days. Our two youngest kids figured out he wasn't staying at home and he had to tell him we are going to go through with a divorce.
Last couple days we have been talking through some logistics of finances and kids schedules. I've had a couple if rough spots where I backslid and cried b/c this is so hard. He moved towards me both times- once with a hug and once holding my hand.
He still wants to do some activities together and be able to come to the house and see the kids in addition to them going with him. He also asked for us to still communicate as I am able, especially since I am one of his few friends. I think I am ok with all of that.
At this point I have accepted that D is happening and it seems to be what he needs to do. He did notice that even when I'm upset I'm different- in that I'm responding in a healthier manner.
I hate all this pain but I haven't lost hope. There are still many positives. At the least I know we can maintain a good friendship and at best we may restart a great relationship in the future. It seems that this is the only way the latter is even a possibility for him so I have to love him enough to let him go.