She definitely has issues stemming from childhood, and into young adulthood.
Her family drinks as well during dinner times as a means to conversate. I don't believe they are alcoholics because they can share a bottle of wine and then stop. Unfortunately, she can't. She feels like a leper in her own family. They have had to stop drinking wine during dinner when she is there and she carries a lot of shame with that.
During the last 5-6 months, she has talked about feeling like a prisoner in her own mind, the world seems grey (depression?), a constant anger inside her and that she doesn't know if she loves ANYTHING. Of course there would be weeks in between when she would be happy and jovial. Excited about the future, our engagement, looking for a new home. And acting goofy like her old self.
When she would get down, I would try to talk her into getting treatment. She claimed AA doesn't work for her and she couldn't relate to all the old, toothless people that had been there for 30 years. I told her to research other avenues and to go to the ends of the earth to find something that would help her.
I think she eventually got tired of hearing that from me. She had surrendered to her disease and told me this is how she was going to be for the rest of her life. I called BS. She didn't like that. I was trying a different approach, tough love (perhaps a 180 for me) that didn't go as planned.
When she left me, she asked me if she got therapy, would it be too late for us to fix things. I think she was already planning on leaving me, getting therapy, and wanting to know if I would wait for her. I told her I didn't know because I was angry. I think that sealed the deal in her own mind. She had to leave me.
This has been a roller coaster for both of us. Good times doing things together as a family, and then bad times. I still struggle with how quickly this happened. I am doing my best trying to detach and understand that not even she knows wtf is going on with herself.
