hope456 - accepting my new reality

[KGirl]

I have that same book, and found it really helpful (well, most of it I can't really implement in our current state - wish I would have found it before BD!) My H now wants to read it, so I'm kind of nervous about what the outcome will be :S He might want to implement stuff from it, or he just might shrug it off and say "too late, I don't care." Especially since lately he's talked a lot about how he doesn't have motivation to improve his relationships with people or try to understand how they are feeling.

I have a hard time understanding lately why I want to save my marriage, too. What I've decided is that my H isn't acting like the H I knew in many ways, and that I can't really judge if this is his "true" character right now, so I don't really have enough information to decide if it's just about wanting to "stay married" or specifically stay married to my H. If he came around, then there would be certain things I would need and whether or not he could do them will be telling. I'm trying to set my worries about that aside for now. I know I don't want to initiate a D, and since I can't really do anything to change his mind, I'm just living my life. If he initiaties a change, I'll ponder how I feel about him then, but until then I don't want to spend the energy on it. I don't have kids, but I imagine what I feel for my H might be similar to that unconditional love one feels for their kids - even when they hurt you, or as they get older if they lie, get in trouble with the law, etc., there is still that unconditional love that is very difficult to change.