With All My Hopes and Dreams

[soldier]

Hello Nettles, I wanted to thank you again for you words of encouragement on my thread and on yours. I am not giving up all hope by any means. I have realized that I am a Verbal Abuse and Control (VAC) abuser and that for many years I have never physically hit my wife but still abused her in a way that most think is even worse. I have switched over to the MEVAC forums and have found much good information over there to help guide me down the path of correcting this core problem. When I made this discovery I realized that my sitch is very different than the ones that are her on the divorce busting forums in that abuse is involved. I still enjoy posting here and it was through these forums that I learned about VAC and MEVAC and for that I am truly grateful. Right now what is most important is for me to learn to completely stop this VAC behavior and this is a lifelong pursuit similar to if I was a recovering alcoholic. I guess in DB terms I have used VAC recovery as a major part of my GAL but I no longer do these things for my W. I am doing them for myself which I should have been doing this all along. I will still post here but my focus is much different now. I will stay strong and continue to change my improperly learned behaviors. It may allow healing for my W and will definitely provide healing for me in the process. In this type of abusive relationship it is rare that reconciliation happens but not unheard of. I will continue to try with my W but I am learning empathy for what I have put her through. If she heals enough and can forgive then there is always a chance but it is still important to realize that there are no promises. I guess this is life in general though. I have enjoyed out friendship on these forums and look forward to hearing your continued progress but my path is somewhat transcending merely DBing now. I have a problem and I need to address that first and foremost. Now my DBing is me recovery from VAC and this is a strange road indeed. For any who might read this and wonder if this is there issue as well. If you truly want to open your eyes for the first time then please read a book by Patricia Evans called Controlling People. It will explain everything at a basic level about VAC.