New therapist and moving on......

[25yearsmlc]

may I suggest you allow someone who offers, repeatedly, the chance to help you?

I'm not sure exactly why you are so resistant (but you are), but your MIL wants to help. She probably feels VERY badly and you can let her in, some...

It's her grandchild too, and she's concerned and possibly wracked with many emotions. Don't shut her out. And since you have an IC, I'd ask them to help you figure out why you are shutting out all the offers of help and why you'd INSIST on driving yourself to the hospital, giving birth...alone? With whom? No friends b/c you are "private" but you also do or do not want your h there, or what?

I'm confused. Letting others help you (not necessarily your h, b/c I can see why you'd resist some of that) is NOT weak. It's freaking healthy.

Just...think about it...and yeah, I KNOW it's hard not to show the anger.

I just don't want you to take as long as I did, to let go of it. A KID told me something I play over in my head a lot.

"Holding onto anger to hurt someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire,

to get smoke in their eyes."

That is when I realized that showing my h my anger, never once helped ME.

It always, ALWAYS resulted in him leaving sooner, or worse, berating ME for "abusing" him or "constantly carping"...and though it shocked me, I had to admit that I would not want to be around ME if I were him, when I'm angry.

Even if I was RIGHT...the bottom line was that

showing him the anger did NOT HELP ME. If anything, it merely confirmed his worst thoughts of me and helped fuel his reasons for leaving, and "seeking his gold rush", etc.

I was most affected by my anger, and or, my kids were. I KNOW I was not fully present for them then, and I'll always regret that. My son, now 27, recalls the "Summer that mom was always crying" which I swear, I THOUGHT I only did, a few times.

Maybe my recall is more accurate than his, but it is his recall that matters, to him.

Know what I mean?

Again, know that we are all rooting for you. Big time.
IF you get a chance, seek out 'Due In May's thread b/c she was pregnant with their first child when her h flipped out, and maybe had an EA/PA, and they separated.

But they did reconcile, and have since had a 2nd child.

Also, a question I asked of her I'll also ask of you....

How was forgiveness shown to you growing up? And, what about your h?

Has he ever seen it? Have you? (I had not seen it growing up...it's a learned skill)