New therapist and moving on......

[25yearsmlc]

Drs don't usually induce for convenience sake...at least no dr I know of...

and kml is right....

I think you are very hurt (and rightfully so) and you are punishing him or trying to get him to respond to you by becoming someone who looks like a martyr (not that you are being one...but your statements and actions are suggesting it)

If you want to be seen as self-sufficient, BE self-sufficient, don't tell someone else that you will do it all...

I understand you are angry and hurt and you have every cottoning picking right to be

I just think you are trying to get a reaction from him...

You won't get the one you are looking for

remember...0 expectations

I agree with ALL of this and KML's commentsPlease, take a breath and consider what we are saying.

I've had two inductions, once for post term and the other for macrosomia (too big). The last pregnancy went fine, normal delivery time.... Weren't your TWINS induced? So, Why is this one being induced?

Though the last baby came on time, I did have a retained placenta, only discovered after giving birth of course. This was with my last child and it's the single complication I never read up on, (which really sukked. Took a lot out of me and really hurt and I mean, a tad more than natural birth). But I could not have made it without major help at home, the first week after b/c that really threw me for a loop.

Also, of course the father's name goes on the birth certificate and YES It effects child support. You want him to do a DNA test or what?? I'm a L, and I'm positive it can complicate things. WHY??

Hey, You are rightfully furious and hurt.

WE GET THAT. I promise you, we get that. No one here is denying you that...but do you want to be happy, or "rightfully mad"?

Your kids are watching you and while you may seem strong, you are also coming off as dismissive and filled with righteous fury which may be right, but it's also hard to be around. It's draining....and sending out that message does not help you.

I think your h believes you'd never forgive him now, so there's no point in him trying to return...

MAYBE that's alright with you, really. But I think you are sending out anger signals to the world and as justified as it is, it simply does not help you. It took me way too long to realize this radically simple reality. I had to STOP my anger b/c it was costuming ME...NOT my h. ME!!

was FUMING at my h for the first year of our 2 year ordeal and though we reconciled, he is now facing the wrath of a 16 y/o d who is bitter that he was gone 8 years ago!! The Walk away parents do pay a price.

You may not see it, but it happens...and for ME, it's painful to see b/c I know my h has a lot of remorse. Yes I predicted it, but no matter....I could not reach him at the time.

But if all your h sees of you is pain and fury and "in your face independence",
then you may as well shove him into the arms of OW.

As hard as it is, give him something to miss. Yeah, I know, it's very hard to do when you are so hurt.


Okay on a positive note, btw, your mil sounds pretty cool. Kudos to her b/c if MY SON ever does sh1t like this to a wife, and she's pregnant, I can only hope to have the courage to face her and offer help,

b/c I would feel shame. (And yes, I'd have a LONG TALK with my son about it, but to tell you the truth, I KNOW my son won't do that. I'd make him get an MRI for a brain tumor if he did...)

However, my oldest brother left his wife, (not while pregnant) but she was a great woman and he was never a great h. Having HIM be the one to leave was so surprising to me. Anyhow, ALL my siblings and I urged him to snap out of it and get his head out of is a$$, etc, but he would NOT HEAR us.

He avoided us too. So I embraced my soon to be ex sil and vacationed with her and knew, internally, that my brother was a fool. But you know what else? I came to realize he'd done her a favor.

She remarried someone who is MUCH BETTER SUITED to her. I can honestly say she is happier with her "new h" (15 years now) than she'd ever be with my brother. That's the truth. So, there you go.

Point being, it's hard to be the family member of someone who goes thru a big jerk phase. I just did my best to support her. In contrast, another brother with whom I'm very close, also got divorced (different story). When I'd reach out to that sil, she'd bad mouth my brother AND in front of the kids...after 3 visits in which she told me she "hated" my brother, I decided to see my nieces when they were with my brother. I could not handle that level of rage and it was not good for the girls to witness and I wasn't going to fight my sil but I did not see their divorce the way she did.

Back to your inlaws...When my h was away from home for 2 YEARS, his mother and brother called me and our daughters exactly zero times.

Yeah, that hurt. Deeply. Then again, it's their loss. I'm fun and our kids are great.

When my mil passed away, my older d spoke at her funeral and mentioned that she "did not know [her] grandmother well", BUT that she "could still learn about her" now...

and my h and bil literally asked me why I didn't think d knew her grandma well.

I was taken aback. I said "I guess b/c of how little contact they had..." and left it at that. They seemed shocked and saddened and for ME that was not just Karma but also amazing. Like we were not on the same planet. Go figure.

My son had said once, "geez, if it's this hard to lose dad's mom, it'll be a nightmare to lose yours" and though it's NOT a competition,

I knew in that moment, that the efforts and time I and my family put into just Showing up,

DOES MATTER.

Keep us posted. WE are all rooting for you.