Has she been to see a lawyer? At the end of the day, you don't have to agree to a divorce AND you can not stand in her way at the same time. Let her do the heavy lifting. If she wants it bad enough she'll have you served. Until then, it's just spew, right?

I'm not sure whether asking her more about that period of time where your father passed away is a good idea or not. It seems important that if the opportunity arises that you find out more about her feelings. Hopefully you'll already be addressing them and if not, there will be some new 180's for you. You can't undo that period and it was unbelievably tough on you and I understand why you would feel confused about what she felt given your feelings at the time. She's taken it to heart though and if you want her back, she'll need to know it won't happen again (time, patience, consistent actions... you know the drill).

Me: 31, W: 29
T: 4 M: 2
Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3)
Separated, still living together: Nov 2013
Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014
W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014