KGirl - Movin' On and Out!

[KGirl]

Well... had an interesting converstion before H left for the weekend to visit his parents, sister, and her kids. He had IC and he wanted to talk about that for awhile. Says he is tired of just talking all of the time and wants the IC to "guide him." We've talked before about how C's don't tell you what to do, but how he could ask the IC to be more solution-focused.

He asked if my IC told me about all these "books [I've] been reading" - Co-dependent No More, The Happiness Trap, ILBINILWY. I don't leave them out purposefully for him to see, but I also don't go to great lengths to hide them because it's too much work (I do hide DR, though!). I couldn't exactly say "well, I post a bunch of stuff about us on this message board and those people give me great advice" so I said I had just been doing my own research and finding resources. He said "I guess that's my problem, I just want someone to tell me what to do."

This part of the conversation scared me a little:
H: I still need to tell my counselor how I feel about myself.
Me: What do you mean?
H: That I think I'm a sociopath, or something. I really don't care about other people, or feel emotion towards them, or care about how they are feeling. I care about myself a lot but not really other people.
Me: I know you care about your neices and nephew... you love them.
H: Yeah, and I'd love my own kids if I had them.. but that's different. I care about them because when I see them they climb all over me and want to tell me lots of stories and think I'm cool. So I like them and care about them because they give me a lot of attention.

Hmmm. The sociopath part is scary. I don't know if this is just a phase, or if it's just how he is. It seems like he's capable of caring about others but maybe it doesn't come easy for him. I also worry that he shows a lot of symptoms of depression (apathetic, lack of motivation, indecision) and that he might need more than just talk therapy.

Another insightful point from him... he said that he talked w/ his IC about how part of why he's doing this is because he doesn't feel like I compliment or appreciate him enough. But, when I do, he feels like it's not sincere or I don't mean it. Or if he thinks I do mean it, it's not enough. He actually said "no matter how much people compliment me I never believe it and it's never enough... I want more." His IC asked him to think about why he needs that from others, and that he needs to think about being happy for his own accomplishments and achievements, no praise necessary. I'm glad he's realizing this isn't just about me not being appreciative enough. I acknowledge I could do better at that. But if it's "never enough," it won't matter how hard I try.

Also a good thing, potentially? H said his work friend (the toxic single one who can't wait for H to be single too) used to compliment him a lot and tell him how great he is, but not anymore because they don't really talk anymore. Thank goodness?!?

Two things he asked me about that I'd like feedback on, because I'm not sure if I handled them well:

1) He was talking to the neighbor, and said the neighbor (who we've only had passing conversations with when doing yardwork outside) invited us to have "cocktails" on Monday night (this neighbor is 80+ years old so it's kind of cute). He said he told the neighbor he'd be free but he'd have to check with me. My response was "I don't really want to go with you. I don't want to pretend everything is fine and that we're a couple when we're not." Should I have said I'd go with him? Or just declined without an explanation?

2) H asked again about me taking care of the cat in June - he said he'd be gone almost a full two weeks with only a few days home during that time period. The convo went:
Me: I don't think that will be a good idea for me. I want to move on from this part of my life and revisiting this, while it'd be nice to see the cat, would be very hard.
H: But I won't be here?
Me: Yes, but I don't want to come back and revisit this house. I don't really need the reminder of what I'm leaving behind. There are a ton of neighbor kids that I'm sure would love to feed her and clean her litter box for a few bucks.
H: *in a joking tone* Unreal!

Ugh. Should I agree to help with the cat? On the one hand, I think he needs to own responsibility for this. If he's taking a trip and being a single cat parent, he needs to find someone to take care of her, and it's not going to be me years from now if we D. On the other hand... I will miss her... and maybe me being helpful and agreeable will help things. I don't know. Thoughts?