i know, it's amazingly nutty the stuff they say and do. my h wwas downright nasty a few times (soooo out of character) that was when i'd just found out- i guess his guilt made him rotten and lashing out. like you- i am personally the creator of alllllll his problem sin life.
he used to be so nice and normal-ish and sane. he was awful for a long time- i am not sure how what the heck i have here. i am biding my time - i have no firm plan of what the heck i'm doing. we don't have kids and we were together for about 38 or so years (still are-ish) so he could walk the heck out any time he wants. i, like you, am mad about it all and he knows it- but i'm not nasty or making it all difficult.
it's just some giant $crew job they feel compelled to do to us. idk if it's their guilt- or they have no co nscience at all and are merely following their childish instinct to " have fun" for a change. (ya know- af ter all that time being tortured by little ole us).
if it wasn't so damn sad for us all- i'd laugh at how very alike they are, the formula they follow- the stupid things they say and do and hoooowwwww like the other guy it is - it is a laugh. just awfully sad tho.
oh well- i've come to believe it is truly insanity of a type. i don't like it or dealing with it. once you don't have reason to use in dealing- what the hedk does one do? it's been thelongest most awful coupld years of my life- and a darn shame it was also the last couple years of my mom's life. she was no walk in the park- but my being stunned and near dead with grief didn't help much. o h well huh? we do what we can.
hang on man- idk how the heck long my h has been all unhapy and this was brewing- years & years i'd say. i was llovingt and trusting and cutting him some slack. i was a fool of major proportions. oh well again-
ya love someone- you trust them - who wouldn't - rite?
it's hard on your daughters I know, tht would make me really see red. they probably can understand tho, the "I didn't break him- i can't fix him" thing here. it's true- some people just slide off the deep end with mlc- wonder truly what the heck it is. me, i think it's just and easy "fix" to whatever is eating them. lost job, tubby, bored, you name it. some onme was saying on this forum that it's alot of work to change themselves and all the stuff that "isn't working" - so they just change the audience and they're all new and wonderful to someone new.
made me think of my sitch. i wonder if it will ever lose it's "shine" to him- or if it's a lost cause.
i still can't decide- someday i'll become "wise" and kn ow which way im going i'm sure. (or he'll just chuck it all and i'll e here sayhing wtf???
oh well- there's only so much in life we can control- and other people and their hearts & brains isn't one of the things.
good luck- hang on and take care. the detachmet didn't come quickly for me- i still wake up at nite and the bad half of my brain nags the life out of the sane half to do something- walk away- blow up- SOMETHING.....anything...
I'M TRING to be sane and not do anything til i'm soooo absolutely sure there is not one shred of doubt. am i right or wrong- who the heck knows??? not me man- i keep telling myself i can always leave tomorrow.
