My FIRST step, was realizing that I had things that I needed to change for myself...
And that NOTHING that I changed, was for the intent to "fix" the relationship...
I had to own everything that I had 'become' over the years, and I had to analyze each of those things, and find out why I did them...
Example...
I was a control freak...
Okay, I admit that...
Does admitting it keep me from being controlling ???
Then I asked myself why I was controlling....
I was controlling because I was scared that my Marriage might fail one day. My parents had divorced, and it changed the course of my life because of the way that THEY handled it...
I was too young to handle any of it, and when I started to finally understand it, it didn't really matter...at that time in my life...
When I married, the first few years went really well, until I found myself without the "in love" tingles of having this new thing in my life.
After that, I became cognizant that it COULD be a possibility down the road, if I didn't "control" the situation...
And in trying so hard to avoid that happening, it actually became a goal for me (that I worked very hard towards too).
My fear, had become a goal, that became reality...because I worked for it...
Once that I knew the "whys"....I needed to work toward forgiving myself....
And I realized, that I did the best that I could, with the tools that I had. And nothing that I had done, was with the intent to hurt anyone....
That ^^^ is only part of my controlling tendencies Thor...
Yet it is the same process that I went through, for each thing that I didn't like about myself....
I made a list of things that I wanted to show to the world everyday...
REGARDLESS if I received them in return or not....
I want to show
Love Compassion Honesty Loyalty
Anywoo....that is only part of my list...
You need to have your own list...
My list, are the things that define who I am, at my core...
