Good for you. It's difficult to talk with the D19. She's got a difficult role in family and may feel stuck in between. I would be kind, thoughtful, etc. but keep conversations around what she's doing and her relationship with her sister and brother. No R & M talk with her unless she asks and even then I would make the response in a loving way, "We have our M situations and are working on resolving our differences..." Something positive and brief. Notice I didn't use "I". You don't want to pit yourself against H so that she's feel like she has to take sides, even though she feels she must be there for her dad.
