Wanted to ask - maybe a vet or someone else who has dealt with this can chime in.
When I validate by saying "I understand..." H gets FURIOUS and says "NO YOU DONT OR WE WOULDNT BE IN THIS POSITION."
What should I say to that?
None of us can really understand what another person is feeling. Is your anger management helping you with this type of communication? Reflective listening is a crapshoot. You have to really listen and respond in an authentic way, something like, "I can see that x was really important to you," or "tell me more about that," or just listen without responding other than to show you're interested.
You do like to push buttons. Why is that?
Hey labug, thanks for the reply.
Anger mgmt said that I need to excuse myself from the situation when I'm getting mad, or focus on what they said was right in the sitch, and say "you know what, you are right." Even when I don't want to. Be empathetic and use "I" statements and not "you" statements. As in "I am getting defensive. Maybe it's best if I remove myself so that I can calm down." Instead of "you are making me defensive. You need to stop talking to me that way" etc.
DB coach also said it's a good time to go take a shower, use the bathroom etc.
I push buttons because I'm hurting, and I want to make the other person feel my pain by hurting them. It's the biggest thing I am working on in anger mgmt and alongside my DB Coach. I do not deal well with being let down, and when I feel let down, I get my feelings hurt. That's when the tide turns and I want the other person to hurt as well, so that they don't hurt me again.
It's a really really really toxic way of dealing with things. It's horrible even. That's why I've set out to fix it.
Last edited by LongRoad06; 05/23/1403:18 PM.
Me- 29 H - 36 T - 5y M - 2y D - 11 months BD#1 June 2013 BD#2 H files 10/28/13 Retrouvaille Nov 13 BD #3 H Files 2nd time 4/22/14 Fires L 7 days later. No court dates set Supposedly he's moving out?
