We all can see that you're wrestling with some issues with this new woman post-D.
I am with Bets on being with the person who makes you want to be even a better person. Another thing to be aware is that the first date/GF/BF after D is always fraught with a bunch of triggers and trying to navigate through the dating minefield is challenging enough as it is.
It behooves us to be responsible for the red flags that come up in the new R. As I told NG in her thread that my first GF after Ms. Wonka brought up a host of issues, triggers, and she came into my life that allowed me to work through my chit. My XGF was not the calm in the storm...she was a storm all by her lonesome self! After two years of being emotionally unavailable and not being very supportive to me, I pulled the plug on the R. It did not lift me up...actually pulled me down more than up.
At that stage, I was feeling raw and vulnerable after Ms. Wonka left so I attracted this XGF to work through some weak points that I wasn't fully aware of myself. I am deeply appreciative of this experience for it awakened some aspects of me that I needed to work on and made me more aware of what I truly wanted in a long-term partnership.
Now? I wouldn't date this XGF or someone like her again. It is because I have gotten my strength and power back. For a long time, I ignored many red flags because I told myself that I "owed" myself to stick around and work things out with her. Ultimately, it was more stress and strive than it was really worth in the end.
Be really clear on what you want out of a R and you'll gain some clarity. Don't compromise yourself or settle for less.
