KGirl - Movin' On and Out!

[nit84]

KGirl and Bug,

I am going through the same emotions as you KGirl and what you described Bug.


I'm not sure how to react to it though, I always saw that my W could be quite a B**ch. She wasn't that way towards me so I guess I let it slide most of the time. When the way she acted bothered me I did say something like "Don't you think that's a little harsh?" Again, this attitude wasn't directed at me 99% of the time so I guess I did cover for my W a great deal when other people saw that she could act in such a way.

Bug, I did overfunction a lot but honestly I thought I was doing that because that is what a loving H does. Takes care of his W in any possible situation.

I have been labeled a rescuer by my IMC, I see that now I am that type. But again I thought that is what H does.


A comment above by Pluto was interesting, about W thinking he could not forgive for the A and therefore pushing the D though.


My W is denying an A. I have no real proof just Rumors and phone records but my W always said I throw her past up in her face and I did real early in the dating phase and early on in the M.

I have not done that in at least 10 years but other bad habits of mine did the damage.

I understand her fears in this respect so I think I am the same boat as Pluto and that is one of reasons W is pushing on with the process.

If I hadn't been learning R skills this past year my W could actually be right about throwing up the past but I have learned that you can forgive if you truly want to and move on from an A with a lot of hard work.

I can forgive my W for a lot of things but she also needs to be able to forgive me. That is the major stumbling block I feel.

I can't change her feelings after so many years of toxic problems but I pray to GOD everyday that maybe a little baby step is all she needs to start that ball rolling back towards a new MR.

It just amazes me how WAS just can continually hide behind catch phases like " it's too little too late" or I am just "done" and want to move on.

Or my all time favorite "If you only knew how hard I tried to make this work and how many people I cried to about our M before I made up my mind to not love you."

The only reply a LBS has is that is possibly true is "You never cried to me and those people never told me how unhappy you were so how was I to know?"

One more WAW quote I got "I thought you didn't hear me when I asked you things or told you things that I needed or wanted but you were listening because of different things you are doing now that I said I was lacking in our M, But the only problem is you haven't changed."

It gets really hard to validate this one and not to start to point out all the hard work you as a LBS have been doing to try and allow for a possible new MR or to at least become that person that only a fool would leave.

Hang in there KGirl, It can only get better from here!!