it is not controlling to have boundaries...it is healthy (as long as your boundaries are healthy)

so...for instance...

I can NOT deal with lies...I need the truth, even if it isn't pretty.

it is a dealbreaker for me

telling my partner that that is a dealbreaker isn't being controlling...it's being honest. I can NOT deal with this so I thought you should know...

if they lie, then they know that maybe I am not the right person for them...I can't FORCE them to tell the truth...I can just be honest

requiring transparency isn't controlling...it is saying, hey...this is what I will deal with and this is what I won't...

It's about YOU...not them