KGirl - Movin' On and Out!

[KGirl]

IC today was helpful. My takeaway points:
-It's OK to be angry and sad right now. It's a normal reaction all things considered. And if I can't treat it as strictly business, I can just acknowledge that I might be pretty angry and sad over the next few weeks, but it will be better once everything is divided and I move.
-Instead of responding emotionally to H's suggestions ("You don't deserve that thing! I'm the one who spent all the time picking it out!") to try to be more rational when negotiating with him ("So you want to keep the dining set.. we spent about $800 on that. I would need to be able to take things that are worth about that same amount for that to be fair.") I don't know that rational is going to work on him because he wants to keep everything and just give me money to buy stuff, but I don't want to have to go through the trouble of purchasing and delivering a bunch of furniture, either.
-Be kind to myself during this time. For me that means I have to be careful about drinking alcohol and eating too much, though!

We talked some about seeing H as who he really is. This is a tough one for me, because I'm scared that if I acknowledge that this is who he is, and it's not who I want to be married to, that that means it's over for sure. A background story: I knew H all throughout middle school and high school, but was never part of his group of friends. Early in high school I had a couple of friends that had a crush on him, and I told them that I didn't get why. I thought he was a bully and a jerk - very conceited and walked around like he owned the place. I found him really annoying. Then, we had to be lab partners in a class and as we talked more I got to know another side of him... the side that I liked, that led to us dating, and so forth. I felt like the side I had previously seen was a front to protect himself, given his family background and self-esteem and whatnot, and that I was able to break through to the REAL him. Today I said something to my IC about how I recognized he was a jerk early on but just chose to ignore it or forget about it. His response was "he doesn't have to be just an entitled jerk or just a nice guy. He probably has aspects of both things... things aren't black and white like that." So, I guess I'm more aware of that not-so-nice side of him that I saw early on before we got involved, but then like you said, bug, I justified or smoothed over or ignored in favor of the other things.