Please point out to me where in my little suggested "speech" above I say ANYTHING about what your WIFE needs to do.
You didn't. Sorry, my comment was carry over from other things coach and I discussed.
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I was only advocating you standing up for what YOU need going forward, and whether or not you're going to waste your time with the charade that would be MCingin her current state of mind.
Coach is simply suggesting that the first MC session isn't the place to accuse W of A2. This is just in case W sees any ray of hope in MC. She has been in IC for the last 8 months and she says that has helped her, so maybe. She never thought I would go to MC - I've called her bluff. She squirmed a little when I told her the appt was tomorrow.
Doesn't stop me from stating: "I don't really want a divorce, and I'm willing to work on the marriage, including my own issues that didn't meet your needs. However, I'm not willing to do that if there's any possibility of a 3rd person in the marriage. And because of A1, I need some assurances. We need to work on trust, and part of that would be transparency..."
This will not be comfortable for W. I've prepped MC on the sitch, so we'll see if she can prevent W from hijacking.
I agree that this is just giving her yet one more chance to fix this on her own (unlikely) and restating previously stated boundaries (bad). I have very, very little confidence in this, but it will be the first time we actually air grievances in a moderated setting.
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So I don't think she ever had intentions of turning around. She sees she survived the heat, and continues going on however she chooses. You may have drawn a line in the sand, but she more than stepped over it and daring you to do something about it.
I concur. Unfortunately, I have to buy a bit of time, so I have to give this a try.
