Marching forward with deal breakers in hand

[MrBond]

"I am just not patient and realistically, given our situation, I doubt I would 'win' in the end. Having said that, I do fear that I will live with regret and wonder if I had just been more patient things would have come around (because H started to believe some of my changes and/or things with the OW truly ended of their own accord). "

That does seem to be a big issue with you. If you KNOW that you don't have patience, then get some. You've seen what happens when you aren't patient. You go off.

"I think there are a lot of factors to consider in any given situation. For instance, H tends to procrastinate in making big decisions. I've always been more of the driver/decision pusher in our R."

You mean controller. Let it go. You can't keep trying to control him and your situation. He has to WANT to do things proactively rather than because you expect him to do it. Get rid of expectations of him. After all, you wouldn't want him to have expectations of how you should live your life right?

"I'm thinking this means that I probably should force his hand otherwise he will leave us in limbo indefinitely. Having said that, H does NOT respond well to threats/ultimatums or really confrontation in general (I mean who does?)."

But so far that's how you've been treating him.

"So somehow I have to make sure I put things on the table in a 'this is what I need to move forward' way as opposed to 'do these things or else'. It's a fine line that he is VERY sensitve to."

Let go of the control. Just talk about the things that impact YOU and don't base things off of his actions.