Marching forward with deal breakers in hand

[mdu]

So H and I are supposed to speak again about the R sometime tomorrow or this weekend. I will wait for him to initiate. Recently we spoke again about working on reconciling but did not come up with a real solid plan and commitment to that plan. I am planning to put my 'deal breakers' on the table and am mulling over my list. Here is it currently:

• Even while living separately, we agree to be faithful to each other.
• Absolutely no contact with the other woman. If there is any contact you agree to let me know immediately.
• Begin marriage counseling or marriage coaching and make plans to go to Retrouvaille.
• Full transparency: together we review your phone and computer and all communication applications on them as soon as possible. You provide me with passwords to any/all communication applications (email, txt apps, snapchat, anything else you may have). I have freedom to randomly check anything and/or ask questions (for reassurance) at any time without push back.


Additionally, folks have asked what I plan to do to help the M. Here is what I will commit to work on:
*Anger management - commit to taking a class
*Making him a priority, communication/talking more to improve emotional intamacy.

I must say, I have a pit in my stomach. I have a gut feel that he will balk at the transparency plan which obviously will be VERY telling. I know I need to hold strong. I speak with a DBing coach tomorrow and will get her feedback as well. I know I can't tolerate this ambiguous state much longer..and can't really tolerate the OW still being a factor (assuming she is, he insists she is not and I have no evidence but I think if it's really true he needs to willingly agree to the transparency I am requiring).