Hi I'm new, I hope I won't be a burden on you guys

[1Wish]

I'm going through some tough times at the moment and have read sooo many threads on this board before I even got to post my first thread.

I don't feel comfortable giving my name, so I'm just going to use a different one I'm sorry.

Call me Kyle for now, I'm going through some tough times at the moment.

my W wants to leave but gives hints that she's in two states of mind. But I'll get into that after, I feel like I should introduce my self first and just say hi; rather than engulf everyone with my problems.

[Grocerykartman]

Kyle,

Welcome to the Board.

Now, let's address a couple things you wrote.

Don't apologize. You're not supposed to use your real name anyway. You may have guessed that my parents didn't really name me Grocerykartman.

Second, that's what the Board is for, to hear your problems. You are not crashing a private party here.

Tell us what's going on. Do not be shy. Include your age, W's age, kids, how long you've been married, known each other, all that kind of stuff. You'll be on moderation for a while, so post often.

Csdet usually is the first one to greet new posters, so hopefully he will chime in. I thought I would respond to you just because I don't want to see you apologize anymore.

And, if by chance you are doing this kind of over apologizing to your W right now during the tough times, you need to stop it.

But, let's hear your story.

[MrBond]

Hi "Kyle", sorry that you find yourself on here. However you won't find a better group of people who can help to get you back on track.

So first things first. You need to read Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy. The books not just the site. This is so you can understand the concepts we describe to you here.

Next, you need to detail your marital history here as much as possible so we can help you to formulate a plan. Don't worry. This place is safe and you don't need to use any name if you don't want to.

We can just refer to you as 1Wish.

[1Wish]

Thanks guys really appreciate it.

Right I'm 24 today, it's my birthday.
My W is 20 and is turning 21 on 18th august.
we got married last year two days after her birthday on august 20th.
We started going out in may 2010.

Ever since we got married I been a lousy husband always going out to smoke weed. Pretty much everyday. I would come home late and would leave her alone and feeling neglect.

once we got married she moved in with my family, however they treated her awfully and put so much blame on her.

my W has had a terrible past where her parents got divorced when she was around six and she had to go into foster care at 11.

She's forever missed her parents and wanted a mother, which she thought she could get through me but my mother treated her awfully.

she kept asking me to change and stop going out, she would write notes on her phone and they were very disturbing.

Then later she stopped trying and didn't really care what I did much. Then once my mother saw her going out with me and thought she was wearing a see through dress and started a huge saying she's a bad girl and she wants her out the house.

this probably felt like her having to leave her family like before. She then went and stayed over at her foster carers for three days and when she got back she was a changed woman. This was a month ago when she got back and gave me the ultimatum. My mothers kicked us both out because I was on her side.

since then I have changed so much I never go out I quit smoking weed, and give her all of my time but she now thinks I'm too clingy and obsessive.

we applied for a flat and have been doing it up and moving in next week. She says she wants me out after a month and how there is nothing I can do to change her mind. Then we got into an argument one day and she said she didn't want me to move in at all so we don't create new memories. But then when everything calmed and we got along again I told her I didnt want to be selfish and its up to her if she wanted me to move in and she said she dont know her minds all over the place.

I later asked in the evening and she said she did want me moving in. She's become so physical recently and shes started hanging out with a friend that doesnt like me and vice versa.

She says she doesnt know who she is anymore and wants to just focus on herself.

I said im going to give blood as I want to be a better person and she didnt really believe me until she saw the papers which was yesterday and she went mad. Ive been depressed and havn't been eating much and she said that im too weak to give it.

shes so weird I feel like I have a chance but when we've spoken about it shes always given me a firm answer even if everything was ok with us. But truelly isnt.

I just dont know what to do. I love this woman to bits and would do anything for her. She feels that ive changed but too late.

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power
_____________________

[1Wish]

We've now come to a conclusion that I'm going to have to give her some space and she will weigh it all up and get back to me and see where things will go from there.

[1Wish]

So my w now says ive changed.. she says its not about me anymore its her.. she feels like she cant forget the hurt.. she wants to be her own person, we got married too young.

these are her reasons, she says that its how she feels, she also said she loves me cares about me and isnt sure about the divorce.

She also started talking about getting a car together which I really dont understand as im expected to initiate the divorce in 2 months, but then few days later she asked and said what happens if we dont work out.

[Barrybran]

Hi 1Wish. Sorry to see you're here. What you're hearing from your wife is referred to as "script". Everyone here hears a different version of the same basic messages. Your wife is as confused as you are and will say a lot of contradictory things.

[Maybell]

Hi, 1wish. I'm new here too but just wanted to send you a hug and best wishes. I know that isn't terribly helpful but sometimes just knowing people are behind you can make it easier to get up in the morning.

[1Wish]

Its so hard guys.. thanks for the hug maybell hers one back at ya!

I dont like these scripts.. yesterday she was saying stuff like, if I stay itll only be for your sake so I dont hurt you, but she keeps acting so loving towards me.. is this her justifying her rewson to stay woth me when really she doesnt want to go? Or am I being a idiot and thinking things?