An End/Beginning of Year Update (Section 2)

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

You pick some amusing examples. Yes, I play chess, ride bicycles, ski, and run marathons. And I certainly never had a problem with my own sexual functioning, but I have not had all the facets of a good partnered experience which might be considered normal for most people.

You're right, I wouldn't truly know what divorce is like until I have it. But I disagree with what you seem to be implying, namely that if I did A, then it would result in B which I haven't experienced.

Just as an example of my point, not everyone handles or reacts to a situation the same way. Several people in my extended family had apparently open marriages (I say because everyone knew about, it though they didn't announce it) and nobody divorced anybody, nobody was angry, nobody felt betrayed, and everyone was on very good terms, including my own parents. So you could say I wouldn't know about the effects of extramarital sex because I haven't seen the pain of betrayal and divorce. And my answer would you're wrong because those aren't always the effects.

Each of you extreme sexless are under the same effects as anyone else who is suffering from extreme sexlessnes. The soul looks deprived. In order to maintain momentum, you have a lot of anger to be in extreme activities, but each and every day you know you are cheated out of life and you move on. Compartamentalizing that portion, but you can see it in your soul in your image. There is no good reason for it. I'm really down about people being abused and neglected like this.

People be who they be. Ultimately, who they really are "shows up." Chess, bicycle riding, or skiing are hardly extremes. They serve as useful examples and analogies for the discussion.

Can I deny that running is an outlet for the loss of intimacy or a way to channel that unused energy? No. But I don't run angry. Running is a way I defined myself before there was any attachment or love for someone outside of my family. So, in one way I've gone back to a way that I've known myself in the past...though never as a marathon runner.

And why marathons? Because 99.99% of the human population will never run that distance all at once. They won't even put in the time and training that it requires to respect the distance. Of those who do, there are a fair number that will only do it once. I've run three in six months.

There is a calm in the long training runs and during the races. I'm on a summer break from marathons (though I am still running half-marathon races and will be training throughout the summer. So rather than sexless husband, I have an identity of marathon runner.

And once I gave up on having a sex life with my wife and realized that she would never willingly have sex with me again, I rarely think about the loss of sex.

Its just who she is and I did not realize that before we were married.

The Captain