2nd time around part 2

[BklynMom]

"""H said to me the other day. Forget about me, move on and leave me alone."""

IGNORE HIM. Not in a bad way or a mean way just keep the focus on yourself.

Regarding the schedule stuff. My xH is on the school email so he gets all the info I get. He misses almost everything. He has been to 1 school event all year but he is on the same email chain I am.

On the phone the other night D5 asked why he missed her talent show. It was a relief that it didnt feel like something that involved me.

Every other month or so I send him an email with dates like dance recitals that he may not be aware of and thats it.

[NotAgainPlease]

BM,

Thanks. I told him to sign up and he hasn't. As of today! Not my problem. I'm mad I even told him about promotion but what's done is done and from now on he's on his own.
He expects me to keep him posted!

[Drew]

NAP,

I'm not up on your sitch but something you said jumped out at me.

Take this for what it's worth:

I've spent 20 years constantly reminding him of things because he always forgets!!

From a male point of view? This gets old really quick.

[NotAgainPlease]

Thanks Drew. I agree but if I didn't he'd never get things done. believe me I hated it too. He began to rely on you would use me as a secretary I guess. He never once complained about it and always thanked me for reminding him.

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Drew. I agree but if I didn't he'd never get things done.

1) you cannot say that b/c how could you know, if he never really got the chance? If you "always" reminded him, then I assume he "always" showed up. If not, why?

2) as Drew points out, it sure sounds like nagging to most men and to ME, if it were my h doing it, it would also feel like nagging. As it is, my h reminds me to take the trash out when he's away, which drives me insane. I KNOW when the trash needs taking out and if I miss it, so what?

3) EVENTUALLY he'll make the appointments, ALL the ones...all the ones he wants to make, that is. And he will have to own missing an event b/c it'll be known you no longer are his "secretary"...and you will allow him to be the adult male he ought to be and may want to be.


believe me I hated it too.


I'm calling you on this^^. I don't believe you hated it...see note below & think about it..

He began to rely on you would use me as a secretary I guess. He never once complained about it and always thanked me for reminding him.

the comment "never complained...always thanked me" was your pay off. So, now it will be gone.

IS that why this is hard for you?

[NotAgainPlease]

kay I understand what you're saying. However, this is a Man who forgets everything. He's also self employed I help with the business. And I remind him about things he needs to pick up or appointment or employment tests that he is not good at writing down. It's not like picking up his laundry the floor and that type of stuff. He very vocal about what does bother him. Before writing this if it bothered him and he said no.
If you were to ask him what bother to most about me was that I did not keep the house as clean as he wanted and I nag him about his excessive alcohol. And lastly at times my short temper. Never reminding about things.
But thanks for the input and I get where your coming from. So for me not doing this anymore and letting him fail or not is a 180 for me. And I will be doing it.
As for the list of events of topic the last few posts, I again to clarify I did not just given the days so he would call me. I did not know the time I just need the days. I will not be volunteering the time, so will see what happens.

[BklynMom]

Have you considered Alanon meetings, since you mention excessive alcohol?

Alanon has really helped me.

[NotAgainPlease]

BM,

Yes, thanks.

[NotAgainPlease]

Well, I didn't call and give him a time so he just called me. He said how come you didn't call to tell me what time?
I said remember, I'm not your wife anymore. You are on your own.
He said that must have been why you asked me if it bothered me when you reminded me all the time? Yes, I said I was just curious if it did. And again he said no I need it!

[NotAgainPlease]

The reason it is so hard for me is it is a routine! I'm just used to doing it. What drives me crazy is when he says ya ok and doesn't do it. He knows I will remind him until it's done.

It has nothing to go with bring praised. It's strictly a habit I need to break and I see it looks a little mothering as well. Again never a complaint seeing it as nagging. Alcohol is definitely what he would say nagging about and not being the best housekeeper!