"You see where I am so stuck is that I will HAVE to sell my house to do a true 180 or Plan B. "
Look, irregardless of that, your situation is what it is. There are ways that you can work with that. You just have to figure out how. I mean you don't have to keep doing stuff with her.
This is what I think is the right answer . STOP DOINH THINGS AND BEING HER PLAN B GUY!
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
However, I CAN NOT afford to keep our house and rent an apartment.
What are the financial ramifications of divorce in your situation? Does she work? Would you have to pay alimony?
If you tell her she's not welcome to come back if she goes to OM, SHE is the one who has to figure out how to afford an apartment, isn't she?
She's still in Fantasyland, and I think if you don't give her a dose of reality, she likely will continue with this OM or move on to another one.
But you need to be strong, gentle, not bitter and angry. Just enforce a reasonable boundary (and btw, it's an ENTIRELY reasonable boundary to say "you cannot return here if you choose to go continue your affair".).
You've had a chance while she was still here to show her the best that you can be, and should keep doing that. But I don't know any woman that would respect a man who said "sure, honey, go off and sleep with your OM and I'll still be here when you get back." You have to be willing to let go of the relationship; so long as you're still pulling at her, she will pull away - but if you let go, she might just come back.
Just tell her - "look, I love you, I'm willing to do what it takes to repair this marriage, but if you still choose to go with OM, I am done. Don't come home."
You know how to establish boundaries with your kids, don't you? If your teenager said they wanted to go get high on heroin one last time, would you let them?
However, I CAN NOT afford to keep our house and rent an apartment.
What are the financial ramifications of divorce in your situation? Does she work? Would you have to pay alimony?
If you tell her she's not welcome to come back if she goes to OM, SHE is the one who has to figure out how to afford an apartment, isn't she?
She's still in Fantasyland, and I think if you don't give her a dose of reality, she likely will continue with this OM or move on to another one.
But you need to be strong, gentle, not bitter and angry. Just enforce a reasonable boundary (and btw, it's an ENTIRELY reasonable boundary to say "you cannot return here if you choose to go continue your affair".).
You've had a chance while she was still here to show her the best that you can be, and should keep doing that. But I don't know any woman that would respect a man who said "sure, honey, go off and sleep with your OM and I'll still be here when you get back." You have to be willing to let go of the relationship; so long as you're still pulling at her, she will pull away - but if you let go, she might just come back.
Just tell her - "look, I love you, I'm willing to do what it takes to repair this marriage, but if you still choose to go with OM, I am done. Don't come home."
You know how to establish boundaries with your kids, don't you? If your teenager said they wanted to go get high on heroin one last time, would you let them?
I agree First off she works and makes close to 6 figures
The thing is the Mortgage is in both our names and I have been told I can't just kick her out. The best would be for me to leave
It's a matter if finances as well We have debt
I make a 2-3 times more than her!
The alimony vs child support is a wash S16 wants to be with me
I was wondering if going back to an in house seperation
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
However, I CAN NOT afford to keep our house and rent an apartment.
What are the financial ramifications of divorce in your situation? Does she work? Would you have to pay alimony?
If you tell her she's not welcome to come back if she goes to OM, SHE is the one who has to figure out how to afford an apartment, isn't she?
She's still in Fantasyland, and I think if you don't give her a dose of reality, she likely will continue with this OM or move on to another one.
But you need to be strong, gentle, not bitter and angry. Just enforce a reasonable boundary (and btw, it's an ENTIRELY reasonable boundary to say "you cannot return here if you choose to go continue your affair".).
You've had a chance while she was still here to show her the best that you can be, and should keep doing that. But I don't know any woman that would respect a man who said "sure, honey, go off and sleep with your OM and I'll still be here when you get back." You have to be willing to let go of the relationship; so long as you're still pulling at her, she will pull away - but if you let go, she might just come back.
Just tell her - "look, I love you, I'm willing to do what it takes to repair this marriage, but if you still choose to go with OM, I am done. Don't come home."
You know how to establish boundaries with your kids, don't you? If your teenager said they wanted to go get high on heroin one last time, would you let them?
Wisdom. ^^^^
Women, particularly, closely associate their feelings of "love" with those of "respect." Meaning, they have a hard time loving a man whom they don't respect. If you let your wife go off with OM and return home with no strings attached, she will quickly lose her remaining attraction to you (not to mention the further damage to your OWN self-esteem and emotional health).
So there is a meeting on June 2 about my son16 at his school. It's on his needs etc. The wife said she wants to call in on a conference call or have me text her what any issues are
I told her NO
If he means that much to you then you should be there in person. She went off that I was manipulative that I don't care That if I move out or kick her out it is me who does not care about him etc etc
Why am I in the wrong but her flaunting her affair has no affect in him according to her and what she says her IC says!
Last edited by Oxford1; 05/22/1404:30 PM.
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I told her it will kill me...she said she needs to see OM one more time she misses him..then says she promises no sex...she's confused and needs him to understand... .how can I believe her? How, she has lied so much to me.
Why does she not care if I have a breakdown or drop dead during her trip?
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
I am so worried that when she goes to a Israel she will fall deeper for OM And when she returns we will be done.
He is bringing her to more family and religious functions to suck her in even more!
I don't know how to act around her I seem to have a hard time ignoring that she is going
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
