Wife in MLC and getting ready to leave #3

[TSquared2]

I have noticed that my W is sensitive to the way I phrase things....I didn't understand at the time how that could be such a big thing in her mind. Now I beginning to see.

^^^ Critically important, and not just with a MLC'er. My W always has been sensitive to phrasing, when MLC hit that sensitivity has been turned up to "11". Since working on how I phrase things, and a lot of communication skills in general, like active/empathetic listening, not only has things gone better with W, but those skills transfer to all of life. I am MUCH better at my human contact in my job, for example. Google active/empathetic listening, and also, controlling behaviors...eye opening, Matt. I was floored.

I knew what the problem was and could have fixed it right away. Instead of telling her how to fix it, I waited until she asked for my help. In the past I probably would have offered to help her before she asked. Little thing but I do think it's part of the problem. I really don't think she likes needing my help as much as she does. She wants to be independent and it frustrates her when she has trouble doing something and needs me to help her.

Same for ME ^^^^ and W felt the same way. Good job on letting her try herself first, keep doing that.

Once I was in the habit of doing all those things, I just kept doing them even after she wasn't as sick and was capable of doing more herself. This robbed her of the satisfaction of doing them herself and it made her feel like I didn't think she could take care of herself or do her part. This is something I need to work on.

^^^ same in my sitch, and in ME, that depression thing really sets off a dynamic, eh? Now do you see where her "you're a parent to me" feelings come from? This is the beginning of the self-work and really looking at the dude in the mirror. How would YOU feel if the roles were reversed? And I will tell you, letting people figure out, own and do their own stuff is freeing Matt, for you and all of your life.