I met with a L yesterday for the first time. It honestly made me feel sick. She thought that I should file on the grounds of adultery, subpoena his business bank records, cell phone records and emails. I am not ready to go there. I left feeling bad about myself for standing for so long considering my H's decision. After thinking about it for a few hours, I realized that I should not let someone, who not standing in my shoes, influence my decisions. I did take away some helpful advice that I will consider.
H and I talked about our schedule for the kids over the next few weeks last night. The conversation went well and we laid out a plan.
This morning I woke up to this email and I am not sure what to think: _________________ 3Boyz,
I’m not hoping for a reply and don’t really want one, but wanted to write you… I know we are continuing to go down different paths, are getting rid of family days altogether, and are setting up our lives as if we aren’t together. I know that you think I’m an awful human being and you are right when you say that you deserve better. I know that we fell out of love with each other and spent time ripping each other apart as opposed to protecting what we had. I know you tried harder. I really am sorry for my part. I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to give us a real shot, yet, as I’ve tried to figure out all the things in my life. I certainly haven’t been good at it. It feels impossible as we just planned out a full month of not being in the same room as each other. As more and more people start to learn about us and as this “distance” between us becomes our new norm, I just want you to know that I’m sad, too. I know I don’t show it well, but I am sad. And, while you don’t think so, I’m sorry.
I also thought you should know that I really enjoyed the time we spent together on Mother’s Day and I really thought about you and making you feel happy. I was excited giving you the pictures and for me, it felt like a first in a while. I really do value the relationship we have with our kids, both together and separately. And, I really think you are the best mom in the world… it is the thing I have loved watching most about you – especially lately.
I wish we could share some time together with the kids, but I know you have to protect your heart and that you are tired of me… I just want you to know that I’m sorry and sad. I’ll be by tonight for a fun afternoon adventure with our crazy kiddos and hope you have a good day at work, golf lessons, etc.
___________________________
I think that he was trying to be open and honest. But I cant tell anymore if he is just trying to manipulate me so that his fantasy world does not end.
Also, H's IC told me to start dating me. Any opinions. I would like to start dating him again, but the OW is still in the picture. Dont want to allow cake eating.
