Thanks Wonka. I have noticed that my W is sensitive to the way I phrase things. When she said all that about my not wanting her to be part of her D's life, she got angry at the way I said one sentence. I was tired and had lost my cool for the first time in a long time and I said "I would never keep my D away from you". This upset her and she told me that the way I phrased this proves I'm going to be horrible! You see, I said "my D" not "our D". I said "you", not "her mother". Of course she uses the same phrasing all the time ("my kids",etc.) but that's OK in her view. I didn't understand at the time how that could be such a big thing in her mind. Now I beginning to see.
Just last night she was having trouble ordering something off Amazon. I knew what the problem was and could have fixed it right away. Instead of telling her how to fix it, I waited until she asked for my help. In the past I probably would have offered to help her before she asked. Little thing but I do think it's part of the problem. I really don't think she likes needing my help as much as she does. She wants to be independent and it frustrates her when she has trouble doing something and needs me to help her.
Since she first became depressed and was unable to do so many things because she was sick, I took over and did them for her. Once I was in the habit of doing all those things, I just kept doing them even after she wasn't as sick and was capable of doing more herself. This robbed her of the satisfaction of doing them herself and it made her feel like I didn't think she could take care of herself or do her part. This is something I need to work on.
