Wife doesn't feel it... (Part 2)

[25yearsmlc]

PS

I read your earlier posts. I have 2 competing thoughts...

FIRST, you are moving WAY TOO FAST to expect any change in this situation soon. You have not even been at this one month! Good grief...

WTH? Are you this impatient in your real life? My h was gone off and on, (mostly off,) for TWO YEARS...So, you need to readjust your time frame so it's realistic...sheesh.

Second,

Sounds from your own hints, (b/c you are not detailed when it comes to your flaws one the time for DIGGING DEEPER is flying by...) that you abdicated parenting to her so you could do your hobbies...which is self centered at best.

You have two kids -one who has special needs but you said "Undiagnosed"???

and I believe you have a sahm wife, who cannot work full time and feel okay as a mother, (I speak from experience and I'm a L with an interesting career but our younger has some issues now, and I'm HOME b/c I need to be)

...and if my h had a problem with that, or made financial comments like HE was "doing all the work", I'd be resentful AND OR I"d feel pretty lousy about my life...

So she did not feel like your priority and from your own words, she wasn't...YOU also had a warning when she left you before after you were watching porn (that is adding insult to injury when a woman is bearing the brunt of childcare and then haws a husband who has "hobbies" that are more interesting than she is, or her life or the kids and does not arrive home to give her a break with the kids or making dinner, but still makes it all about him ....the porn would have been a real slap in the face to me.

So, What's different now? No more porn? That's not enough, as you know.


See, the thing is, NO WAS returns to the marriage,

unless they believe that

the marriage can be better/different than before.


So what are you DOING that shows change in YOU? (not her, YOU).

All I hear from you is about her and what "She lets" you do and a OM or a PA, and her misdeeds...but she left home b/c she felt neglected and ignored and felt like a single parent partly b/c of your hobbies....

. I hear very little about your personal work, which you have got to do. I bet a big reason she determines when you see which child, is b/c you have NO history of being a great involved dad...and that's on you, not her. Do the "math".

consistent change + sufficient time = change SHE can believe in.

Make sense?