D7 was having a rough time tonight. I took her to swim lessons and then we came home and made dinner. She and I also did some research for a research paper she is writing at school. It was OK until bedtime. She got up a couple of times and then I offered to braid her hair since it makes it so much easier in the mornings. As I was braiding her hair, we had this conversation:
D7: Mommy, I wish Daddy was still here. I really miss it being like that.
Me: I know, sweetheart. I miss that, too.
D7: I bet Daddy probably really wants to come back, too.
Me: You can ask Daddy about what he thinks. You can talk to Mommy or Daddy anytime about whatever you want.
These conversations are still so hard. I owe thanks to some other posters for how I was able to handle this particular conversation. I read on another thread about what someone says to their D when she says something about missing Daddy (I think it was either Claire or Jenn); she just told her D that she missed him as well. On my own thread, someone (25, I think) recommended that I suggest that my D7 talk to H about things she had questions about (when only he could answer the questions). So, thank you. After that conversation, I cuddled with D7 in her bed for a few minutes and then got up.
I still struggle with whether or not to tell H about these things. Based on previous advice I've gotten here, I'm not going to tell him. I just want to be cognizant of our co-parenting relationship and really do think we need to be partners in deciding what is best for D7.
In that regard, I need (or think I need) to discuss taking D7 to a therapist with H. Any suggestions for message and/or medium? I'm trying to gauge what to say and whether to do it via text, phone, or in person. I'm leaning toward text because H thinks that I get "overly emotional" when we talk and I don't want the importance of the message to get overshadowed by that perception that he has. I could just say:
H, I'd like to take D7 to a therapist to help her cope with this transition. What are your thoughts?
Any feedback is appreciated.
I had a long conversation with my sister tonight (she's a family law L for anyone new to my sitch) about the specifics about the D process. I know how it works in general, but she went into a lot more detail about things like rights and duties with regard to education, medical care, etc. I have a lot to think about. I'm glad we had the conversation because it helps me to feel more aware of what is going to happen so that I'm less likely to be blind-sided by something.
Positive: I asked D7 if she wanted to go to the Disney on Ice event the next time it was in town (months from now). We've been before and she was very excited about it. The tickets are on presale right now. I bought front-row tickets. H would have complained about the price and said that it wasn't a valid expense. It was nice to be able to just make the decision based on how D7 and I would have the most fun and not worry about his opinion.
