You are right Barry. I can't have her back like this, it wouldn't work. That's why we all need to talk about our sitch right. We make mistakes as individuals trying to manage our own sitch and need others to help us stop and correct course.

I'm still doing it wrong. W asked if I could pickup S tonight instead of her dropping him off. It was no big deal so I went ahead and agreed. Gave me the chance to say hi to BIL anyways. S learned how to ride a bike (w/ training wheels) tonight and they got to show me. We were both so excited I think we just forgot to think about the distance for some minutes and got to act like friends. After a bit though reality set back in and I took my leave. Tried to get back to working out again tonight but W decided to stop by during. She said she needed to talk to me so I took it outside as S was sleeping. She wanted to apologize. I just listened for a bit and she went on about being sorry for hurting me and making the wrong choices and staying silent for so long during marriage. But none of that made me feel better because she wasn't sorry for leaving. I wasn't near as detached in the conversation and towards the end she even got me to talk some about us. It made me realize I've made little to no progress at detaching. I'm still chasing crumbs of attention. I need distance, I need her to stop being around all the time and saying things like she did again tonight......she told me I was a wonderful man, but she didn't see things changing between us. She said she was doing what was right for her.

I'm tired...

M: 43 W: 43
Married 6 yrs.
T: 7 yrs.
Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10