Newbie - bf suddenly left after 9 years

[25yearsmlc]

Today my mother went to our town to sort out some stuff.

She called Ex to sort out what furniture he wants to take from the apartment, and he said he doesn't want anything - not the living room furniture that he bought himself, not the fridge that was a present from his parents. He just took the mattress from the bed, but we don't have any king size mattresses laying around, so she told him to take the whole thing and replace it with the queen size bed+mattress that we moved to the garage when we bought the new bed, a few months ago.

He got pissy and said he thought he was doing us a favour.

I believe he did think that. Hence not taking things he paid for. Does this matter? If so, why and I mean, specifically?


Again, he didn't even bother to ask about me. Which in a way is good because my mother would chew him out if he did. And he probably knows that.


I did try to address this ^^ earlier. The context of the conversation is NOT one in which he'd be motivated to ask about you, NOR would any answer she can give, feel helpful to you...see if you can find my rather long post to you, and respond to some of those points...I lack the time atm.


Then she called Ex's father, who did instead ask, and said they all miss me, but aren't talking about anything and minding their own business. She did mention that I was upset because none of them called or texted me, and he said - as I thought -that it's because they feel ashamed and don't know what to say.

So, Reassure them that they are not responsible for his choices...IF you want a R with them. I think the ball is in your court now, on this issue. BTW, have you reached out to them during this?

And fyi, in the two YEARS my h was gone, his mother and brother called me and our daughters who were still here (son was at college), exactly zero times. Sure, THAT is lousy...but then, What can they say or do that will help YOU? That their son/brother is a jerk?

That makes them feel uncomfortable and disloyal, not to mention that they have only heard their son/brother's version...

But even if they said "yes he's a jerk. AND You are "right" and he is "wrong",
how would that help or change your course of action?

It's normal, right? That the MLCers just turn their back on you after years of daily contact and seem not to give a [censored], like you just dropped off the face of the Earth, like you're worth less then a pet goldfish?

Please see my long post to you about this^, and guilt and shame and how it does NOT HELP YOU

and how it frequently converts into a desire to flee your presence...or to blame you


Because even though I'm trying to tell myself that it's normal, I'm so pissed off that after 9 years he can just hurt me this badly and not even give a crap about it.

^^More mind reading and recycling thru this....which is standard I guess. But you can stop this, and really only you can.


Or look like it, anyway. I can't believe how you can be the closest person to someone for years and then be just happy never hearing from them again, but it's how it goes, right?

MIND READING AGAIN....

So, back to YOU....what are your GAL activities and 180s now?