Yes, I have a truck. Taking up bike riding is my GAL plan. I have more ideas but I want to take up new things when I can, taking care of the house and walking the dog while I work is fairly time consuming.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
She leaves for school in the east coast this july and said she will stay there till next may (2015). I'm not going to let this sit until she's done absorbing money from me. I'm LRT, she's WAS..she may be cheating and I didn't catch the signs the first time either.
She has been secretive with her phone, she will get real quiet if I pass her while she is on the phone, she bought a white corset, she doesn't tell me her work schedule anymore, she left the house the other night to get a hot fudge Sunday (she doesn't like sweets and took 30 minutes).
I love her to death but I think to prolong this pain I have will be the death of me. Obviously she has shown no sign of working/saving this M, I have seen some glimmer of LRT working but I'm not going to be taken advantage of while she goes home and does whatever she wants. I have at the latest July 15th before she leaves and I know without a doubt I must be convinced by her otherwise or file D papers before then.
I am sorry that you're here. This particular quote caught my attention:
Originally Posted By: Riley
I have an excel spreadsheet which I do everyday to clean the house (dust, sweep, mop, vacuum, etc.. its extensive but its only a 2bdroom apartment.)
Really? A spreadsheet? I clean my house just fine without a spreadsheet. Just curious to understand your reliance on a spreadsheet to clean your 2-BR apt a bit better.
It kept me on track. Cleaning was not my 5LL, it mattered to W not me.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
For our sit. the 'issues' began with complaints I was not doing enough to help with the housework. Within a a few months, I was pretty much doing all of it but the still got the same complaint. We even went to MC which resulted in...a detailed sheet outlining what to clean!
Then, a new complaint began. I was not cleaning things the right way...
My point is that there was a much bigger underlying issue that I sensed but could not put my finger on. It took IC and coaching for me to realize how common this pattern is in marriages. In my case, I was a pleaser, not one to take initiative in our M and deferred everything to my W.
And, in MC's opinion and my own, that the nagging about cleaning was actually her way of trying to reach out to me and signalling that we were drifting apart. And, a way of testing if I could stick up for myself and to her. The irony is her complaints confused me and causing me to withdraw, which caused her to push more, with a downward spiral.
I don't know if this is exactly what is happening in your sit. but thought sharing this may help you see past the cleaning issue to what may be driving it
A great book which helps to explain some of these dynamics is 'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson.
It really helped to clear up my confusion about what happened.
M:36 W:34 T:9,M:4 Me,WAH:7/2011 My apology:12/2012 Her,WAW:01/2013 ILYBINILWY:4/2013 W's EA:5/2013 Sep:9/2013 2nd EA signs:03/2014
I hear what you're saying and I think there is underlying issues. Could you elaborate on what you said about deferring to your W?
I do remember now that she has increased her reliance on me to clean and now she doesn't do [censored]. And overtime her letters to me have been increasingly more hostile.
Any other things you could elaborate on as I think we have a very similar issue?
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
Update** I have moved out onto base, I felt staying with her was toxic. When I had moved my stuff out of the bathroom she came into my room, walked out, came back 10 minutes later and asked why my stuff was gone. I told her I was gonna move on base for a few days, she said I may as well file for separation, long pause, I said I'm considering.
She was not there last night and has seemingly gathered some belongings and moved out as well. Whatever she packed would not be enough for long as she took no dog food or treats for our puppy.
In fact early the day following our talk she had a small bag packed. She had also overturned a wedding picture of us I had turned face down the morning I left. I'm confused. But I feel better
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
