How long does the detachment process usually take?
It's my understanding it comes in waves and that you typically reach a new level of detachment preceded by a drop in PMA.
Is this accurate?
The best way that I can put this....
Is that detachment isn't a conscious decision that you can make..
It isn't like climbing a hill, or taking a drive...
Detaching isn't a linear journey either
You will have peaks and valleys along the way, some days you will be the Pigeon, and other days you will be the Statue...
It will be based on your goals, GAL, hobbies, PMA , and the level of understanding that you have about WAS'...
It is also based on the amount of self work that you choose to do, and the time that you spend working within your own sandbox, instead of the focus that you have on your WAS..
I feel that the more time that you can spend inside of your own noggin, the less time that you have to obsess about what your WA is doing, saying, feeling, posting to FB, or whatever social media that they choose....
So relax a bit, keep up the good work , and start working through some achievable goals for yourself...
And in time, you will look back and see how little that you are actually focusing on your situation...
Detaching is more about a way to live your life right now....
I just got home from meeting with my therapist. She seems to really understand me.
She thinks that my WAW is not stable right now considering her struggle with maintaining her sobriety and impulsive decision to leave the relationship.
She also thinks WAW is self-sabotaging, perhaps setting herself up for relapse? Who knows. She also said I'm in limbo because of the lack of finality of things. WAW and her daughter have a ton of stuff still at my place. She also hasn't changed anything on FB and she is a FB junkie. Counselor speculated she may be trying to leave the door open to reconciliation while she works through her feelings/emotions.
I told her I needed help setting goals (and being held accountable), GAL, and improving my self esteem.
This is going to be one hell of a journey.
On the WAW front, there has been zero contact since the day after the bomb when she came and grabbed some of her things.
No much sleep last night. I doing ok last night being detached but then the reality of all of this hit me in the face again.
I miss my friend, the way we laughed together, being with our kids and taking selfies while making funny faces. I miss our future and the dreams we had established.
I'm trying my hardest to detach and think positively. Perhaps the reason I'm really unsuccessful today is because I didn't get much sleep last night.
I plan on going to the gym and hitting it hard so that I'm exhausted by the time I get home. Hopefully that will help me sleep tonight.
I'm still maintaining no contact and it does seem to help with the healing. It is scary though because it feels like all it does is allow WAW to move on without looking back or wondering if she made the right decision in ending things.
Sometimes I just feel like giving up. But then something stirs in me and I renew the fight to keep going.
Needless to say, this is very painful. And I know it is for all of you as well. You guys inspire me to do better and to stand for what I beleive in. Thank you.
No much sleep last night. I doing ok last night being detached but then the reality of all of this hit me in the face again.
I miss my friend, the way we laughed together, being with our kids and taking selfies while making funny faces. I miss our future and the dreams we had established.
I'm trying my hardest to detach and think positively. Perhaps the reason I'm really unsuccessful today is because I didn't get much sleep last night.
I plan on going to the gym and hitting it hard so that I'm exhausted by the time I get home. Hopefully that will help me sleep tonight.
I'm still maintaining no contact and it does seem to help with the healing. It is scary though because it feels like all it does is allow WAW to move on without looking back or wondering if she made the right decision in ending things.
Sometimes I just feel like giving up. But then something stirs in me and I renew the fight to keep going.
Needless to say, this is very painful. And I know it is for all of you as well. You guys inspire me to do better and to stand for what I beleive in. Thank you.
Sooo....
Today, you are the statue...
Dust yourself off, and take a step forward....
What is one thing, that you would always like to do, or sounds cool, that you never found the time for ???
Ever leave a gift card with the cashier at your local coffee shop, and pay for the next 10 coffees ???
It actually wasn't that bad. I caught myself a few times thinking about it and reminiscing but decided I needed to focus on the conversation with my coworkers.
For me, one way I try to avoid the pain of this is to stay away from things that remind me of WAW. I'm going to push myself to relax on that a little bit. Babysteps.
Today I had my first coaching session with Laurie. It was very helpful and informative.
She helped me identify tiny signs that WAW might be softening and how to experiment/monitor my DB results. My emotions are still up and down, and sometimes I have to catch myself before I begin to snowball.
I'm having a hard time releasing my emotions. I feel like crying sometimes but for some reason don't allow myself to. I think I need to release some of this emotion because I'm starting to feel stuck.
