Newbie - bf suddenly left after 9 years

[Italian]

I'm feeling very detached today, and I had a moment of clarity.

I would never want to trade places with him in this situation. I was griping and moaning about how unfair it is that I have to suffer because of his selfish actions, and that I don't deserve it, and that is still true.

But you know what? I'm in pain, but at least I have the knowledge that I didn't betray his trust, didn't cheat on him, didn't lie to him, didn't act like a selfish, horrible person, didn't destroy my integrity as a person.

Unless he's a sociopath, I don't know how he can stand the guilt. I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror. Honestly, I'm happy I'm not in his shoes, because I don't know how I could live with that burden.