too little, too late

[lost18]

Just checking in. Nothing new to report. SIL just left my house (not one I've talked to.) Either she has no idea or just didn't want to say it. Guessing it's the no idea considering our conversation regarding H and the fact that they aren't that close. Which again makes me wonder why he would change his FB status before telling family. I know, I know...stop trying to figure it out.

I know taking one day at a time is the best way right now, and my IC has told me not to speculate. However, I feel there are things that I need to prepare for in case they happen. If H wants to tell the girls before vacation this summer, or while we are there. If he decides not to stay at our house while on vacation but with a friend or relative. I'm going to try to not stress out about things that may or may not happen, but I do feel like I need to figure out how to prepare if they do.

Finally getting out with friends tomorrow to a movie! Looking forward to it. Will be a busy weekend anyway with D12's tournament and Mother's Day. Maybe I can get my kids all together for a nice dinner on Sunday!

[lost18]

I am in a pretty good spot right now. This GAL thing may actually work! I have not been totally consumed thinking about H or M! Yay me! Friday night I played softball, D12 had a tourney Sat & sun, went to the movie Sat night with a friend, dinner and a few minutes on the beach with the girls Sun night and Mon afternoon lunch and a long walk on the beach with a friend!

I feel so much better emotionally not obsessing, of course this is nothing I didn't know! I still have a ways to go but one day at a time right!

[lost18]

Had an appt with IC yesterday, talked to her about preparing myself for certain situations. (Ie going on vacay and H wanting to tell the girls). She said quit living in fear (again) preparing for the negative makes you negative, he's already hurt me as much as he can. She said my job is to be charming, attractive, fun, etc

We did talk about what I can say if certain things come up. But it all comes back to becoming the person I want to be regardless of what happens with M.

I do have a couple of months to prepare but the one goal for interacting with H is being positive. I've mentioned this before but this is def something I will work on.

Something else I've realized over the past few months is that H felt rejected and like I wasn't attracted to him. I will take any nuggetts of wisdom on how I can make him feel that I am attracted to him without pursuing...is that even possible??

[Georgiabelle]

Lost 18,

I think being the best you and genuinely listening to your h when he talks are a good start. When you see him, validate his feelings and just enjoy your life. Laugh. Be in the moment.

[lost18]

just enjoy your life. Laugh. Be in the moment.

PERFECT!! Thanks!

I'm starting to obsess again! Ugh!
-he's too stubborn to ever try again
-he's done, moved on
-he will never change his mind
-he's relieved it's over, happier without me

CRAZY TRAIN! Deep breaths, positive talk, no obsessing...live in the moment!

[lost18]

Oh...and go be productive!

[whytry]

I'm starting to obsess again! Ugh!
-he's too stubborn to ever try again
-he's done, moved on
-he will never change his mind
-he's relieved it's over, happier without me

CRAZY TRAIN! Deep breaths, positive talk, no obsessing...live in the moment!

I feel the same a lot of times now about my WAW. Then I remember, I did that to her previously....I really like your go be productive add-on. Not that I'm adding anything helpful to your post, but oh my goodness Lost18 it so struck deep in me! Just know you made a huge impact on my current thoughts. Thank you!

[owl777]

Hello. I read all your post. Hang in there. You mentioned repeatedly how upset you're about the FB situation. I'm saying this to those I post with, "Stop FB" if you can't handle the negative part of this social media. That's part of your challenges that you can change. I'm not anti social media, but when people concentrate on what is being said and posted on FB, rather than real conversations, and interactions, it's a waste of energy and shouldn't be part of our lives. He's obviously telling you in a blatant way that he wants to be single and doesn't want to tell you to your face what is really going on. And that is where you're at this time, but the truth will come out eventually. It most of the time does. Unfortunately, lots of people are using FB to do exactly what you experienced. What a cop out. If this were me, I would tell him I decided FB isn't a good communication tool for my Rs. This would maybe be a difficult stand for you, but make a statement to the girls that it's unkind to communicate that way. This is what FB does to R and hurts the innocent or those who use it for the fluffy, wonderful R stuff, like family pics, etc. All things can be used as weapons and FB can be one of the worst. People find out about horrible things about each other and employers fire people, etc. That's the way I see it. If you expose yourself to it, be prepared to be bombarded with the nasty stuff too.

[Maybell]

Me too. Especially today. I'm new to the board and have only gotten a little bit of response to my posts. I'm looking for people who will read the future for me and tell me what's in my life.

Thanks for the timely reminder to pay attention to myself. I'm going to do a home mani-pedi after kids go to bed and maybe even treat myself to a glass of wine and an audiobook -- since I'm lacking the ability to stay still long enough to pay attention to a print book.

Thanks.

[lost18]

Computer has been down for a few days and it's a pain to post from my kindle.

Whytry, being productive really does help. Even tho I hate doing things like cleaning and yard work I feel so much better when I do something. Sunday, D12 and I mulched the front beds and did a little weeding and trimming....it had needed it for a long time and looks 100% better. It's hard to not obsess about what they are thinking but I've have been doing much better with that lately. I just try to remember I can't change him, only me and I'm trying to change some of the things he doesn't like about me, but more importantly those are things I don't like about me! It's important to make changes for YOURSELF.

Owl, I get your point about FB, I will not give it up as it has been a great communication tool for friends and family. I'm done trying to figure out why he decided to change his status...in the big picture it means nothing as we have not told our kids anything, much less filed for D.

Maybell, keep posting, you'll get some responses. I don't post to others too often. Take care of yourself, it's does get easier but be prepared for the ups and downs.